Is it ok to text to say good luck?

[Phycadelicsilhouette]

Not sure if this is the right section but not sure where else to put it.
Split with my ex a month ago who has a daughter who I was very involved with for 3 1/2 years.
I’m still having contact with her (and hoping that will continue) and she starts secondary school tomorrow.
Gutted I won’t see her start her new school but I wanted to say good luck to her via text but I’m unsure if this is ok?
I’m keeping very minimal contact with my ex and only contact regarding the kids and I don’t want to interfere with a new start in a new school but I just want her to know I am thinking of her and hoping her new start goes well.
I’d planned to text ex’s daughter direct to her phone.

I think that a good luck text is a nice thing to do

Who does she live with? How would the mum feel about you texting her daughter directly? I personally wouldn’t but it does depend on the relationships between you all.

I would have a general discussion with the ex to agree this sort of thing first. If not, send a card.

It was a same sex relationship. She lives with her mum. The relationship was not healthy for a long time which is why I choose to have no contact other than the kids and I feel that texting my ex to discuss if it would be ok to text would make her feel like I was reaching out and I don’t want it to come across that way.
We were together for 3 1/2 years and lived together for part of it and allot of the rest of it spent most of our time pretty much living together and I did a large amout of the emotional and practical parenting for my ex’s daughter.
It’s really hit me that I won’t see her starting her new school and be able to chat with her about how she’s feeling but I don’t want her to think that I’m not thinking of her and wishing her good luck.
I just don’t want it to come across the wrong way.

I think it would be nice to send a text, and the child would really appreciate it.

Maybe follow it with a text to your ex, along the lines of hope you don't mind, no expectations, just putting the kids first kind of thing. (clearly I have no idea how to word that!!)

Yes txt her.
You were a part of her life and she may be hurt if she hears nothing.

You could be putting the child in an awkward position as to even mentioning it or should she reply ... you have to face it you are part of her past now.

Did you have a child together? Is that why you're still in contact?

I'd text the daughter then text the ex as a courtesy to let her know.

I’m still having contact with her (and hoping that will continue) and she starts secondary school tomorrow.

If you are in continuous contact why do you feel uneasy about this text?

I would send the text - show her that you care and that life can be positive and respectful even when relationships end.

Have you an agreement with their mother to transition or continue your involvement in their lives?

THe fact you’re asking would indicate a hefty back story
So only you know whether truly appropriate

I’m still having contact with her (and hoping that will continue) and she starts secondary school tomorrow.

Strange then that you’re worried about a good luck text

Presumably she is 11?

You are going to have to fade out of her life. As you have not done so yet, then sending a text of this sort is fine. But think about this in the longer term - what sort of relationship is really going to be possible, given that you want no contact whatsoever with the parent? Especially separating your sense of loss (seeing her in her new uniform is all about you, not her) from how she best goes forward.

When you've worked that out, other details will,fall in to place more easily.

I’ve seen her twice since we split.
My ex has seen my DC once.
I was in her life for 3 1/2 years and did such a large majority of her parenting for a long time of that 3 1/2 years.
My ex and me didn’t have a good relationship for a long time. Allot went wrong and it went on for longer than it should have but that’s nothing to do with the DC.
No we don’t have a child together, it was a same sex relationship.
Yes she is 11. Yes part of it is me feeling sad to not be an active part of her life anymore but she also since I met her had huge self esteem and abandonment issues. High anxiety and went through counselling at school for these things.
For as long as I was involved she was always worried about people not liking her and not being good enough and I don’t want her to feel like I’ve just abandoned her and forgotten about her. I love her very much.
I just don’t want to be inappropriately texting as I don’t know if it’s my place to just text out of the blue.

In that case, I'd definitely text her. You could also say that even though you and her mum aren't together anymore, if she ever needs grown up help, she can contract you. It leaves it open to her if she needs you, and helps with not feeling abandoned.