Hi all
So my daughters father (now my ex) always seems to have a way of getting his own way with me even though I’m usually a strong willed person and it leaves me wondering sometimes how to handle him as he sometimes seems to use emotional guilt tripping/puts blame on me to get what he wants
Some examples:
When pregnant I
We split up whilst is was pregnant because he made me feel mentally weak and physically unwell and he got un to a new relationship a month after we split which he is still in to this day. When I split with him I got harassed to the point where he phoned me 61 times in one evening and I had to block all contact with him until the day she was delivered for the sake of mine and my babys health. He would constantly send messages saying he can’t believe I’m not letting him be a father even though I never said this, I made it very clear I want them to have a wonderful relationship, but that he was making me feel unwell and I need to focus on getting through the pregnancy at this point. I assured him I would tell him the minute I was in labour but to please stop harassing me.
Once our daughter was born He was there every day helping me and saying he supported all my choices etc and I was pleased by his helpful attitude.
The first blow up occurred when my daughter was two weeks old he asked to take me on a date (yep, even though he was still with three other woman) to which I said no I don’t see a future between us I just want us to work as a team and do a good job of co parenting. He then got grumpy and decided to ask why he can’t see my daughter on his own without me around and I said that will happen one day but she’s breastfeeding and very young at the moment - he then made 9 cancellations on the days he was due to see her over the coming four weeks.
After he got over that he was nice again - said he understands that he can’t have her alone yet etc
Once my daughter reached 12 weeks of age we were getting on well and so I asked him if he was planning to contribute anything financially toward her (he hasn’t bought a single thing at this point) and he then threw a huge rage saying I was unreasonable and he couldn’t afford it even though he happily told me he took his girlfriend out for three meals the previous week. Again he raised the subject of not wanting me around when he sees her because he needs time to bond
I told him he will have that once she takes a bottle but for the time being i need to be there because she always feeds on demand
He then started saying I’m difficult and selfish by stopping their bond and that he can’t believe he’s going to have to get a solicitor to see his daughter? I never said he couldn’t see her, I even offered to sit in my car down the road from his house while he has her alone in his house so I can be on hand to feed her
This blew up hugely to the point where he demanded mediation which I happily agreed to
I paid £250 for a session and we were due to go to our joint session when he text me saying he’s sorry he blew it all out of proportion and that he can’t afford to fund his half of the joint session so we will just make arrangements between ourselves
I stupidly agreed to this and one week later he demanded to take DD again so I have reluctantly put her on formula now just to stop the constant harassment
Now he has what he wants he’s been nice again and asked me on another date to which I said no AGAIN. Once I said no this time I got messages saying he doesn’t want to come to my house to see my daughter (I’m living with my mum) because my family make him feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t finish work til 6 and my daughters bed time is 7. It’s not reasonable for Him to take her out as she will be tired. I asked what my mum does to make him uncomfortable (she offers him cooked dinner every time he comes to see DD) and he said he can’t think of any examples she just does
He’s mentally draining me and I do sometimes wonder if it’s all me.