Really don't know what to do warning trigger sexual abuse.

[Ms82]

Hi, first time poster. I did post first in child mental health but was advised to also post on general mental health and relationships, I hope that's OK. I'm really at my breaking point with my 10 year old, she disclosed sexual abuse by her grandfather when she was younger and we are currently going through a police investigation. Been to camhs after years of them fobbing us off while she tried and threatened to take her own life (she tried to jump out of her bedroom window at 5 and recently I caught her in her bedroom with a knife after she'd written goodbye notes to us all) and they've diagnosed ptsd complex trauma, anxiety and depression and attachment disorder, she also has 'quirks' such as eye contact, food issues, talking in an American accent, walking on tip toes, coordination problems (difficultly with using a knife and fork at the same time, bumping into things and a few other quirks. The main issue I'm having is her meltdowns, she is driving everyone away, I could cope to a point when she was lashing out at me kicking and hitting and swearing etc but it's tipped over onto grandparents (obviously other grandparents not the abusers she hasn't seen that side of family since disclosure) and friends who she's always loved. I've had to take her out of main stream school and am currently home schooling her as she couldn't cope at all and I was being called from work daily to get her. Her hormones are also raging, I know as she is growing boobs and hair and is greasy and spotty but her attitude is just awful and I can't speak to her without being called a bitch or hit out at. She doesn't qualify for counselling yet until police have done their investigation so no help and we are waiting to go back to camhs, they put her on rispiridone but she was really ill with it so I've had to stop. I don't know how to help her anymore and how to keep going. She's nearly at her 10th birthday and she's spent most of her life so unhappy I just want her to be happy and to be a child while she can, it's almost like she sabotage feeling good, like she can't allow herself to be happy, I know from her outbursts she feels like her abuser saw something rotten in her and knew she was bad and thats why he did it but I can't get through to her that that's really not true, she hates herself and it seems like she is determined to be alone but also sad that she's lonely. I caught her tablet search history and it was how to not be a freak, how to make friends and asking Google to be her friend(she did this when she figured out the code normally she can't access Internet, code has been changed) .I don't know what to do.

Oh OP this is so so sad.
I'm not surprised you don't know what to do.
Could you afford some private counselling for the interim?
Also get to your GP and ask for an alternative to risperidone. Google search brings up 5 alternatives so start trying those asap.
I can't even imagine what your poor DC is going through.
But she needs professional help asap so keep pushing.
She should be allocated for counselling anyway if she has tried to take her own life. They can't delay it awaiting an outcome of something else.
Her mental health problems are happening now.
Start to pester your GP!!!

Reach out to any other organisation you can think of.
Actionforchildren.org.uk
youngminds.org.uk
Headstogether.org.uk
www.cypmhc.org.uk

Have they looked into other things other than MH issues? Some of those traits point to autism, the tip toes, food issues, melt downs, clumsiness.

I'm following as, nothing as bad as this, but my 11 year old has been unhappy for a while and has said some things that are worrying but insists he is fine. I've done a referral to CAHMS but he is adamant he won't talk to anyone and refused to come to the GP with me.

Poor dd and poor you, incest sexual abuse is an absolute mind fuck for the victim, it takes years to live life away from the devastation to the psyche.

Getting her into counselling, someone whom practices psychodynamic play therapy would be the branch to take.

Get help as hellsbells has suggested with the links that she posted.

Her poor scrambled head and heart will need a lot of help to heal.

She would benefit from re-parenting, so parenting her as though she is a 'toddler' in terms of imput, closeness and bounderies. Basicaly taking it back to before the abuse started. Making sure that you read to her at bed time, food is eaten together, doing crafts together etc. Making sure that she is out in nature, making bows and (not sharp) arrows, camps, foraging. Picking rose hips (for rose hip syrup) and blackberries (for a crumble or jam) and so on.

Basically overlaying her sence of self with feeling meaningful self worth. Connecting with nature is very theraputic, even just getting ones hands in the soil and growing things if you have a garden.

Giving her a really good diet will help as there are plenty of fruit and veg that will help with the production of happy chemicals. So 8 to 10 fruit or veg a day, cut down on refined food that does bugger all for positive mental health. Make sure that she drinks lots of water.

At night have the same bedtime routine that she had as a toddler, bath (with bubbles and bath crayons), book, reading to her whilst she is in her bed will allow her to feel loved and worth while. Stroking her head as you read if she will allow you to will sooth her. Maintain regular bed time and helping her to sleep well will reduce her stress. Pop a night light on if she sleeps better with one.

Most of all she needs love, nourishment and security of a child much younger than her.

Look after yourself also, it is really hard as a mum seeing your innocent child damaged in such a destructive and horrid way by a family member, the guilt as a mum in this situation is unbearable.

I hope that your dd can step onto a road of recovery, she is so immensely brave.

She is a survivor,

Ps art and music can be beneficial in recovery

You sound like a really supportive and lovely mum. I'm so sorry for your DD. Hormones can be tricky at the best of times but I really hope things get better.

All you can do is keep supporting her as you have been and get as much support and help from your GP etc as you can.

I am sorry for everything you and your daughter are going through. When I read your post
"also has 'quirks' such as eye contact, food issues, talking in an American accent, walking on tip toes, coordination problems (difficultly with using a knife and fork at the same time, bumping into things and a few other quirks. The main issue I'm having is her meltdowns, she is driving everyone away, I could cope to a point when she was lashing out at me kicking and hitting "
The thing that really stands out from what you are saying is autism. What you listed are classic autistic traits.
There are some very good facebook groups. I am on adhd/ASD UK Community Support. On there you could chat to parents and ask their advice. I haven't been on there for a while but I am sure you could get good advice from the other parents. I have read posts from parents whose children have been suicidal and having great difficulty getting support. Maybe they could advise. xx