Your best tips for dealing with heartbreak

[madeofstarlight]

Can't believe I'm 25 and nursing my first real heartbreak. I know it's for the best, I know it will get better but right now I feel so shite and am really struggling. I'm at work (can't get time off) and have to keep hiding in the toilet to cry, my stomach is turning and I'm starving but the thought of putting anything in my mouth makes me feel sick. And I'm exhausted, I think I seen every hour on the clock last night

Please help me get through these next few days as I know they'll be the worst.

Ah I'm so sorry. Heartbreak is rough.

My top tips are to cry in the shower and then move on with your day, and whenever you feel like crying get some fresh air - the colder the better!

Wear your favourite clothes, paint your nails and do your hair.

Eat well, and stay clear of alcohol for a few weeks.

Are you into sports/activities at all? I would try a new one, something that demands concentration and I'd challenging (a but scary even) eg climbing - it will distract you during it at least.

Also books/films/TV series if you can absorb yourself in a story.

Obviously there's a process to go through, but a bit of distraction/relief helps.

Listen to upbeat, non romantic music as well.

Box sets

Plan your weekends and evenings in advance, even if the plan is to watch a box set or clean the bathroom. Keep busy xx

I second not going anywhere near alcohol.

Poor you. Be kind to yourself. Let work distract you during the day. At evening times spend time with family or friends if you can. But don’t force yourself onto nights out where you might drink too much and end up feeling worse.
Each night plan one thing to get through it, watch a film, have a bath, read a book, cook something (I learned to cook loads when I was nursing a broken heart), go for a walk etc.
Don’t keep his number, each time you have contact with him you’ll have to start again from day 1 so stop now. Delete him off social media so you’re not tempted to cyber stalk his movements (that will make you feel awful).
Things really will get better, and you’ll feel better probably quicker than you think possible right now. The next few days will be tough. You’ll get through them and back to being a strong and fabulous woman. Good luck and I’m sorry your heart is broken

Manic exercise. Running, for preference. It gets you outdoors, gives you an endorphin hit, makes you tired so you’ll sleep, and gives you a sense of achievement.

Keep busy.
Lean on friends and family.
Have something planned for weekends.
Cry when you need to.
If solid food is turning your stomach (it did mine) then try sugary tea, drinks and ice-lollies. Smoothies and soups might be good too.
It's a shit time but you will get through it.
Take each day as it comes.
Don't expect to be 'over it' quickly.
It all takes time.
Be kind to yourself.

Read Sarah Millican's How to be Champion.

It’s a weird one but really fluffy books and films helped me. Have a bath with a crappy but entertaining book that it doesn’t matter if you drop. Let yourself be as indulgent as you need for a week or so. If you can afford it treat yourself to a new outfit and plan a night out with friends for a few weeks time.

It’s horrible but makes you stronger

Thanks for all the tips guys, they're really helpful! I went out for a coffee with a friend on Monday, spoke to another on the phone last night then my mum and sister came over so I've got lots of support which does help.

I've deleted him from everything, deleted the playlist of songs that remind me of him that I started just after we met. He took all of his things when we split up on Saturday, so it's like he was never here. Which makes me so sad now but I know will help me heal in the long run.

It's crazy, I had a four year relationship end last year due to infidelity on his part and coped like a champion but the end of a 9 month relationship has floored me. The heart really is a funny old thing.

To be honest you’re probably grieving both relationships. Your recent ex probably helped you survive the last one and now that’s gone. I’ve had a similar situation myself in the past and I didn’t think I’d ever get over the end of the 2nd relationship. You will. It won’t take too long either as it wasn’t a long relationship really. Good you have support

Aww, bless you. Yes it is a funny old thing.

My tips.
You obviously like to keep busy. Keep being that then.
Do sit in the empty space he has left and reflect upon it. You will get used to it quicker.
When you're of a mind to, note down what you've learnt...
And, if you were with someone for 4 yrs and now for 9 months, when were you last single?
What parts of yourself or your desire did you cut off for these relationships? What direction will you choose now??

Dont avoid the pain, and do think...no, create your future. X

And well done for deleting him. Good move. Hurts at first but you'll get over it much quicker when it's simply not there.

You need to move on from this. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life sobbing in the toilet!
There is a process you need to go through, and we all take this at our own speed.
First there’s the sobbing, and grieving for the relationship you’ve lost, and idealising the stupid chap and thinking he was the bee’s knees and you’ll never meet another such wonderful man.... and all that shit.
When you get tired of all that, you will reach the angry stage. How dare that shit dump you and upset you like this. You never liked him anyway. His habits of (insert irritating quirk) annoyed you. You’re glad he’s gone.
Finally, you reach the indifference stage. You stop giving him headspace. You don’t think about him every 5 minutes. You realise that your life hasn’t ended. You laugh at a joke, you enjoy a meal, you go on with your hobbies and interests.
Eventually, when you are healed, you will date someone else. You will find someone you love.
And you will wonder WHY YOU EVER WASTED ONE MINUTE sobbing over that loser!
Get stuck into the healing process, OP. Find your anger. And your self respect. Only you can change your mindset.
This time next year, the chap will be a distant scornful memory. Who? Oh, him - yeah, dodged a bullet there...

For me, i kept trying to make myself feel better by making out in my head that it isnt as bad as it is.. i kept thinking of ways to justify things to cope better.. but this is the worst thing to do. You feel shite now, so you might aswell get through the worst now . I wrote down all the reasons as to why i ended my relationship, the pain he made me feel, how ill he made me etc.. all the reasons as to why the relationship is awful and why i have left it. As much as this was so so painful to do, it was best i did that early on in my recovery for many reasons, but mainly because it made me hate the horrible things he did to me, it kept me away from him as i could look back at it when i were weak, and helped me to remember i deserve better than that. If i did this a while on when i felt a bit better, all it would have done is bring me down and bring all that heartbreak back again. Do it whilst you're already low, this way you get all the bad out the way now, and your recovery will be quicker and so much stronger. All the best op, you can do this!!

Write a list of all the things that annoyed you about him, all the ways he was a PITA, all the things that you wished were different or that dissatisfied or upset you, all the ways that he disrespected you.

Everytime you feel heartbroken, get the list out and have a look. Bring some realism and balance into your memory of the relationship. Remind yourself that it wasn't perfect, he wasn't perfect. In fact, if you think about it enough you'll probably come to the conclusion that he was far from perfect.

@Aminuts23 You're probably right there. I often felt my most current ex was my chance to get it right after the 4 year ex. So, I suppose I put a lot of hope into the relationship and the bitter disappointment is really hard to take.

I do think keeping busy is my best bet, even if it's just catching up on housework etc. When my relationship broke down last year I'd just bought a flat so I really flung myself into making it a nice space for myself, so I think I do need some sort of project. I used to like to write, maybe I'll take that up again. Even if I just start with a diary to work through my feelings in.

There was a gap of 6 months between both boyfriends, which is quick after a 4 year relationship. So, it's been about 5 years since I've been single for any length of time. I used to love spending time alone, so I'd like to get back to that.

I've arranged a Skype call for tonight with one of my friends who lives in a different part of the country, so it'll be good to chat to her. Then I'm just going to focus on getting myself through the rest of the working week. Then at the weekend I'll give the house a good clean, and there was a couple of jobs I wanted to apply for so I'll do that. I think I need to keep looking forward to remind myself better days will be along shortly.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can to stay positive - so keep on!

Have you thought about rearranging the furniture? So it feels like "your" space again and not a shared one. I'd also suggest buying new bedding and maybe some cushions and throws if budget doesn't prevent.

Allow yourself a set amount of time per day to grieve, and a set amount of time to be angry. (My CBD counsellor suggested this when I split up with my ex and it was so valuable.) You do need to have something ELSE to then do after that time of grief/anger! For me it would be "I'm going to allow myself to feel awful and cry between 9.30-10pm tonight, then I'm going to take the cat outside so she can do her business, then bring her back in and feed her, and put myself to bed."

I would also say, if your management seem sympathetic then let them know that you're struggling and ask if there is a non customer-facing role you could take for a couple of weeks. The response will absolutely depend on the industry and demographics, as well as the role you currently fill, but as a manager I've been asked this before and have put that person onto admin/back office/warehouse duties for a short amount of time to give them a break.

Good luck OP. You're heading in the right direction. KOKO!

You survived without him before and you will survive again. Heartbreak is the worst, you go through a natural grieving process so let yourself feel sad but also you need to start moving on also, life will go on!

It always helped me to think that I was lucky to have the opportunity to get out of an unhappy relationship and find someone better!

@FuriousVexation I'm going to go and get new bedding at the weekend because I keep thinking about how he'll never be in my bed again and upsetting myself.

We spent a lot of time in my flat so everywhere I look there's a memory of him attached so I really need to try and mentally take my home back. If I'm not feeling better in a few weeks or so I'll see about doing some decorating.

Feeling a bit better today, I haven't cried since about tea time yesterday so I'm taking that as a small win! I had a good chat with my friend last night and managed to get a good night's sleep. I'm noticing myself thinking about the things that weren't right in the relationship more frequently too so I think I'm on the right path.

Tonight I'm going to my mum and dad's for dinner and tomorrow I might ask if my sister wants to do something.

When I left my ex husband (my biggest relationship heartbreak), I woke up every day and cried. Every day I reminded myself that someone or something would make me smile today, so I’d better get moving so it could happen. It happened, every day.
It’s a good time to start new interests, actively make it better for yourself - running works for me.
And what others said, stay away from alcohol. I was not so good at following this advice, it just makes it worse, trust me!

@LaLoba that's such lovely advice, such a positive way of looking at things! I definitely won't be drinking for a while, if I'm drunk enough I can get weepy over nothing so it's definitely a no go while I feel this rubbish.

Cry in the car where no one can see you!
Play happy music loudly
Do your hair / nails / buy new knickers... anything that makes you smile
Physical exercise is good
Sunshine is good
Avoid drinking
Keep busy
You got to eat!
Crazy house cleaning