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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Negative friends making me doubt LDR

16 replies

French189 · 03/09/2019 22:17

I've been dating someone who has now left to go travelling in Australia and we have decided to give things a go and see how it goes.
It will be at the very most 9 months but potentially a few months less, and I am going to visit him at some point, just not sure when.

However one close friend said 'oh he's probably gonna have loads of ONS out there' and another was just very pessimistic and said 'hmm yeah not sure that's gonna work out'. And 'it is a guy after all don't forget'.

When he left me he gave me a 75 pound gift and said he couldn't wait to see me again already etc. And my friend said 'oh i'm pleasantly surprised, thought he was probably just using you and was going to just do one at the end'.

Just don't understand the need to be so negative and cynical. I know it's very important to be realistic and not naïve but what's the point of making such comments and having zero faith whatsoever; not all men are sex-crazed out to get with as many girls as they can.

Anyway on my side I am prepared to wait and he said he will tell me as soon as he is back, but now i'm beginning to worry I will find it too hard. It will be several months apart each time with my visit likely in the middle.

Part of me feels like just forgetting him, but it's stupid as he is coming back here. No idea what to do.

OP posts:

Crazycrazylady · 03/09/2019 22:20

Honestly I think dating someone on the other side of the world is a bit pointless and I probably wouldn't expect him to be faithful. I would in your shoes stay in contact with him but with the understanding that you could be with other people as well

misspiggy19 · 03/09/2019 22:21

I agree with your friend

Original poster

French189 · 03/09/2019 22:24

It's just that he's only going away for a few months, not years. If i can be faithful why can't he ?

OP posts:

KellyHall · 03/09/2019 22:27

I knew a woman who met a man just before she went travelling to Australia. They thought they may never see each other again but when she came back, they did get together. They married 3 years ago and are expecting their 2nd baby. It is possible!

Smidge001 · 03/09/2019 22:27

I think it depends how long you've been together, how old you both are, and what he's doing out there. You're both in your thirties, have been together 4 years and this is a work placement, I'd say your chances of success are high. If you've been together less than a year, are early 20s and he's going backpacking, I'd say don't hold your breath. His intentions might be good, but backpacking around Australia with a bunch of excited (and drunken) school leavers/uni students is going to change his outlook for sure.

PeriComoToes · 03/09/2019 23:02

How long have you been together? This is crucial information. A couple of months? Obviously ridiculous, 3 years? Different matter.

aboutbloodytime123 · 03/09/2019 23:09

My DP went away for 7 months, 3 months after we met. It was work and was already organised before we met. it was really tough. But we just celebrated 2 years!

cranstonmanor · 03/09/2019 23:12

My cousin met someone while they were both backpacking in Australia and they fell in love really quickly. They only knew each other for a week or two when they both went on with their backpacking in different directions. Met up 6 months later after they'd both come back. They were still in love and had not been unfaithful. That was in 2001. They now have two children.

Just see how it goes. Either it works out or it doesn't. And that goes for short distance relationships as well.

Original poster

French189 · 04/09/2019 07:03

Thanks for the replies. Not been seeing each other long, but we're both nearly 30.
Tbh I feel like if someone is unfaithful whilst abroad, they were going to do it to you sooner or later whether in the country or not because it shows they are capable of it.
I think if someone cannot go without sex for a couple of months then it's not really someone for me, as how do people cope whose partners have to go abroad for military service or work assignments.
If he was moving abroad for good I would end it, but that is not the case. I will just see how it goes and think about my own thought on it, not my friends'

OP posts:

LolaDabestest · 04/09/2019 11:19

You probably will get together IF he comes back after 9 months, but don't expect him to stay faithful he won't you've been seeing each other you aren't in a serious relationship..my advice don't hang around for him if he comes back great if not then you've not wasted 9 months.

RantyAnty · 04/09/2019 14:26

What was the 75lb gift?

You've only known him a few weeks. No point in waiting on him.

zafferana · 04/09/2019 14:37

If you've only been together a very short time it seems strange to me to try and be faithful for nine months. Why not just set each other free for now and see how you feel when he gets back? Otherwise, you'll spend the next nine months pining for him and wondering what he's up to. I have a friend who was in this situation actually. They kept in touch, but didn't put any pressure on one another to be faithful, and when he came back they were sure they wanted to be together. They've been married about 15 years now and have two kids.

Original poster

French189 · 04/09/2019 14:56

I'm not planning to put any pressure on him to be faithful, but at the same time I have feelings for him so of course I dont like the thought of him with other people.

Honestly, I don't see the point of staying in touch if he's gonna be with other people.
I'm going to see him in a couple of months time for a few weeks. I just think if he cant last a couple of months without getting with someone then he isn't for me.

I think it's easy for others to say, but if it were them with feelings i'm sure they would feel sad about it too.

Honestly, I feel like if we forget each other now then I highly doubt he will get back to me in 9 months' time sadly.

I dont agree with People saying 'he definitely won't be faithful'. Nobody knows that for sure, how can you predict that ?

I honestly feel like it's just best to forget him for good sadly and move on.

OP posts:

LuluBellaBlue · 04/09/2019 15:00

Have faith!! I’d say go for it :)

XJerseyGirlX · 04/09/2019 15:00

Ive been in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years and just married him (we are still long distance). Its so worth it, if he is the guy then he is the guy.. just because he is going travelling doesn't mean he isn't serious about you. Your friends opinions are just that .. opinions.

MaximusHeadroom · 04/09/2019 15:02

DH and I spent half the year apart for the first 5 years. We have now been together for 16 with 3 DCs.

Your friend should focus on supporting you through a difficult period instead of making cheap shots.

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