Has anyone found themselves in a happy new relationship after 4 kids?

[Sleepyhead19]

I am expecting my 4th baby. The Dad is leaving and just saving up a deposit to rent somewhere. He’s expecting to go in October. We split because he can’t keep it in his pants.
I’m so unhappy at the moment and I can’t see where my life is going. I work part time and although I’m educated, it was agreed between myself and ex that he would work full time and I work part time around the kids and childcare so I don’t earn much.
I’m obviously worried about finances and how the kids will cope with him going but I think as they will have contact often, they should be accepting with him going after a little while as they hardly see him now. I don’t want to mess their lives up and I have such guilt that I wasn’t good enough for my ex to keep things together.
I briefly was seeing someone else about a year after we split (we still lived together for finances) and my ex saw several people! The chap I met was actually someone I’d known for 20 years and he was fantastic and caring but I felt I couldn’t divide what little time I had between everyone so ended it. I recently found he’s met someone else and while it isn’t jealousy as he’s a good man and he deserves to be happy, I just felt a realisation that I will probably never have happiness again and nobody is going to want someone with 4 kids. I don’t have anything to offer anyone.
Can someone tell me please that they have found someone in a similar situation eventually?

I’d just add in there, this baby was conceived when I thought we were trying to get back on track and it turned out I was wrong!

OP, sure you’ll meet someone when the time is right. I get that it will be difficult to meet someone when you have the DC with you as you need to prioritise them and be sure that the person you’ve met is safe/ doesn’t pose a risk to the children, but could you perhaps date when your ex had the DC?

Yes I’d like to when he has them. I didn’t introduce the ex to my eldest for nearly a year because I was so worried it wouldn’t work at the time and I still don’t think it’s a good idea introducing a new partner to kids early on. I would only meet someone when I didn’t have them here and I also will need some time to myself when the ex moves out to get things straight and have the baby etc. I’m not wanting to rush into dating, I just feel like everyone is partnered up and happy and I don’t feel I’ve ever had that. I think it would be weird to date while I’m expecting anyhow.
My ex husband had serious mental health problems which made him aggressive and he had to leave for the children’s sake. He was mentally abusive due to this. My next long relationship (9 years with my ex) has ended with I suppose you could say emotional abuse too so I’ve never been happy properly. They always start well and go downhill. I’d like the kids to see me happy one day and I’d like to be with someone who actually cares. I just know my situation is a lot to handle and I don’t see anyone being accepting of it.

I was on my own for a year an met my partner when I had 3 kids aged 1, 2 and 4!! We've been together 2 years now and going strong. I thought I'd never meet anyone but I did I just took my time and chose carefully xx

I mean this with absolute kindest...You've had two abusive relationships and you are now about to be a single mum to four children. To be really honest, I think finding another man should be the furthest thing from your mind right now.

Agree with @former....
Focus on your kids for now. Who knows what one day would bring....
But in the short term - if you could date someone with three kids, four won’t be easier.
Not sure what else to say.

The kids are always my priority. I need to be single for a long time to adjust to all the life changes and I’m actually quite excited to be on my own again. I’ve always been very happy when I was single before and I don’t have an issue being on my own. It would just be nice eventually to meet someone and have a happy relationship like everyone else and wanted to hear some success stories. My older kids are late teens so do their own thing most of the time and are busy studying so although we do have our family time together, they aren’t so keen on being with the parents anymore like normal teenagers.

Hi OP, of course this happens. The other PPs have mentioned finding some solace in yourself and I agree.

My mum had 4 kids before divorcing my dad. She went on to meet a man who she had a good fling with but it didn't work out. She then met her now husband, had two more children and they are very happy together 20 odd years later.

Enjoy your you time and the rest will follow.

It will happen when the time is right. I was "single" for 3 years after my marriage broke down, had had some dates and some short term relationships but nothing serious. Then out of the blue met someone who I had known pre children. It was difficult, I have 4 kids and he had spent his time in his LTR not wanting any children.

We have had some issues, mainly surrounding the total upheaval but we are strong. It's been 3 years, we have our own business, in the process of buying our own home and the kids adore him and he them.

Don't think about that part of your future just now, when you are ready, it will come. But be prepared for some men to be put off with you having kids already. And if they seem too eager too quickly to become a family? Run for the hills.

Good luck.

Single mum of 4 kids here (age 11,9, 7 and 4). Split with exh 20 months ago. I have the kids pretty much full time. At the moment, my life is totally focused on kids, work and keeping on top of the laundry. They are little for such a short while - I want to make the most of all the time I have with them. I’m pretty confident that when the time is right, Mr Right will show up. But until then, it’s all about enjoying life as it is now - hectic and stressful, but so, so precious.

Thank you for your replies.
Yes the time while my kids are young is so precious. I can’t believe I have a child in college and thinking of going to uni when I remember clear as day the day he was born and never wanting to put him down. It’s the same with the others. Time goes too quickly and as we are busy doing the essentials in life like work, housework and the food shop, we don’t get enough time with them as it is.