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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

WWYD... trying not to drop feed

3 replies

P0ttery · 03/09/2019 13:23

woman, mid 50s, not currently working but has in the past, married for 25 years, DH discouraging her from applying for a (part time) job. DH semi-retired. No financial worries. 1 child still living at home, mid GCSEs. He hasn't proven himself to be an honourable husband - has history of at least 1 affair when their DC was much younger.

His reasons are that she'd have to factor in costs of petrol, parking, dog walker to see if it'll be worthwhile. - also mentioned her responsibility is the home. Basically very negative, not encouraging and saying there's no need for her to work.

She says she's bored and lonely and although she persues a hobby, she needs more and some financial independence.

I've told her that all the negatives he has mentioned can be overcome.

She will be foolish not to.

What else can I advise her?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 03/09/2019 13:31

If he is semi-retired, why can't he walk the dog?
Why can't he do some chores around the house?
Advise her to tell her DH that it's not the 1950's and he is not the boss of her.

Tell her to take the job and then get a exit plan in place to leave this misogynistic, unsupportive asshole asap!

AmIThough · 03/09/2019 13:31

'Her responsibility is the home'. He can retire and take over her responsibilities- she can get a full time job and enjoy herself away from him, the twat.

PennyPittstop · 03/09/2019 13:38

I don't 'need' to work. I work because I enjoy what I do. It gives me a life and value away from my family. Don't get me wrong, I adore my kids but I'm not an earth mother type who feels my life is complete by only looking after the kids and family home. I had an education and enjoy the mental stimulation of working. I enjoy earning enough to be able to go on a shopping spree and not have to ask my husband first.
My father retired early. He aged rapidly after retirement. He is now in his mid 70's but mentally you would think he's nearer 90. My mother on the other hand is just a couple of years younger but has never really fully retired. Mentally and physically she runs rings around my father and I am certain that it is thanks to her continuing to work part-time. It's good for you and keeps your mind and body working well.
Why can't your friend's DH or son walk the dog instead of paying a dog walker? She's only applying for part time work, she isn't trying to get a full time job.

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