Do I say something?

[Glosstwit]

A friend going through a bad break up with an AP. The OH of the AP found out months ago and refused to talk to friend. Since then, the AP has said they want my friend to wait for them, that they still love them. They meet semi regularly, and the AP has said that they intend to ask for divorce, but lack the courage so keep putting it off.

Problem is, I vaguely know an acquaintance of the AP & OH who says the AP's OH has no idea they are still in touch with my friend. Do I tell my friend? Tell the AP? Tell both? Say nothing?

Say nothing.

sorry that should be should I tell the OH not AP.

Think he's playing them both for fools frankly but neither seems to want to LTB

What's an AP?

So the wife and ow were friends till wife found out ow was having ab affair with dh?

So then dh told dw he'd ended the affair (but hadn't yet as the novelty hadn't worn off )

You're friends with both ?

Say nothing to dw.
Get ow into therapy to work on her self esteem.

Tell ow that the reason she is so miserable is because her lack of self respect.

Good luck.

Of course the spouse of the AP doesn’t know that he is still in touch with his lover.
And your friend knows that. Simply because they have to hide, and probably even more so then before...
As to telling his spouse....
Two schools of thought. Some people would say she should know because it’s a right thing to do...
But she chose to stay with him post discovery - and wants to make it work. Who knows if she even wants to know.... Maybe she wishes she never found out in the first place...

Another school of though is to say - what’s your motivation? Are you trying to help your friend and push the guy into a decision?
It may push it one way or another and break the limbo he is in....
So - maybe worth it?
However - be prepared to lose a friend, if it doesn’t work. And even if it does - he’ll hate you.

Wife & OW don't know each other at all.

Aware I can lose a friend but think it's worth the risk at the moment.

I've been in the position of both & wish someone had told me so that I could leave. Ended up leaving years later after his other affairs came out and buried my head by blaming the AP & refusing to talk to her.

I just feel awkward about it all as they clearly believe he's going to rekindle things

He's a cake eater.

Your friends a mug.

The poor wife