Go NC or not with PIL

[BlindedByTheShite]

My MIL has been really rude to me lately, even more than usual and has snubbed me on a number of occasions.

I haven't done anything wrong. She just doesn't want "non family" around. She has always been like this. My DH's siblings are all divorced and have a number of failed relationships under their belt all because my MIL was so very rude to them. I've lost count of the number of times my MIL has told them that she doesn't like their partner, to finish with them or be cut off and she means it. She will refuse to speak to them for months until they cave, which they always do. My DH has not "caved" and we are still together. Basically my MIL is a bully and wants to control her family and everything they do and anyone with a bit of backbone is a massive threat to her dictatorship. According to her, DH and DGC are her blood, but I am "nothing to do with her". I'm OK with this, but I do think I deserve a bit more respect than a mangy dog in the street.

She is now trying to get rid of me another way. I feel like she is pushing my buttons so I blow up at her and she can turn it round on me or I walk away from her and leave DH and DC to go see her alone for the day or weekend. She would love to have my DH and DC alone and never see me again.

So, I am at the point where I want to go NC with her, but that is what she wants. She wants to have my DH and DC in her house and to be able to have an influence over them. I'm pretty sure once my DC start having relationships she will be the same with them.

I need to decide whether to go NC or summon up the strength to go along with a cheeky smile on my face knowing that she has not got what she wants and ignore the snubs which get to me, but on the other hand I do not want anything off her. I even take my own bottled water with me incase she spits in my tea. TBH I do have quite a thick skin as otherwise I would have caved by now but these recent things have got to me a bit and I feel I need to make a decision - go NC or keep going just to piss her off. TBH I don't want her poison seeping into my DC's relationships in the future. She really is very toxic.

WWYD?

I have no advice but giving you a helpful bump OP.

Dear god I would not send your DH and kids alone. She will be spirt all sorts of toxic things about you.

If it was me, I’d talk to DH before visiting and agreeing that if she is rude to you that everyone leaves!

She needs to learn that you and your DH are a team and that he backs you.

Why on Earth is your DH not sticking up for you?

Couldn't agree more! Monsters are not born, they're made- usually by everyone around them agreeing to give them their own way. You really need a united front with your DH. Does he even understand how wrong her behaviour is? If not you have to say it's got beyond bearing and you don't want your child affected by a rude and aggressive atmosphere. Just think if the child copied this at school! Then at the first time she starts you say You may not know how rude you are being- but do it again and we're out of here.

What is your dh doing to address this issue?

Where's your DH in all of this? Why isn't he talking to her?

I, for one, done see the reason to do everything together and visit all relatives together.
You H has proven over years that he is sticking with you, so why not let him have his relationship with her and not get involved?
Best show of strength is not to fight it because you have already won.
There is nothing she can say to turn your kids against you.
Life is too short to fight petty battles....

It's not enough that your DH hasn't caved in. He needs to start sticking up for you. I think you should have a serious talk with him about the situation, and how you are both going to handle it in the future.

And in answer to your question, normally I would say, "Yes, go NC", but in this particular situation I'd keep going, to make sure that she doesn't poison your dc against you.

So her other DC have ended their relationships because they dont want to be cut off?

She's the one they should have all cut off.

What you need is a husband who stands up for you and doesn't allow his DM to be nasty to you, rather than going NC.

By going NC, the message is she can continue and even get worse.

There is nothing she can say to turn your kids against you

Hmmmm. I have doubts about that. I think there might be, given enough time and enough visits. That's why I answered as I did.

I would move to the other end of the country.

Why are you with a man who allows his wife and the mother of his child to be treated so horribly?

Is your dh a man or a mouse?
Dh spoke up for me when mil was being disrespectful...
We are all nc now.
Your dc do not need such a person in their lives.
You do them a disservice allowing her to see them imo.
She is toxic.

Why are you with someone who allows you to be treated like that

Why are you allowing your children within a mile of someone who treats you like that

You definitely have a husband problem.
I would make his life a lot less comfortable.

Any man who stood by allowing his mother to talk to me like that, to undermine me and 'wish me gone' is no man at all.

Tell him that he needs to back you to the hilt - come what may.