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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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DD relationship with friend

2 replies

Tonka2 · 03/09/2019 03:55

I'm amicable with my ex. There is an issue that has popped up, not sure how best to handle it. My ex's BFF has a daughter in my daughters class, they are 11. In short, they don't really get on, very different personalities, they hang out a bit at school, but my daughter has a different circle of friends. My ex's friends daughter has few friends and is putting pressure on my daughter to play with her at school and her only. My daughter is kind and plays with her, to some extent, but they are just very different. If my daughter objects there is manipulation and emotional blackmail going on. Yesterday she was told by the friends daughter that she was lonely and everyone at school wanted her to kill herself . I'm not seeing this as a healthy friendship.

My ex spends a lot of time with her friend and the kids have sleep overs which seems to exacerbate the problem i.e come Monday at school friends daughter wants alone time with my daughter, if that doesn't happen, there's drama... I'm starting to get regular complaints about this from my daughter, I've broached the topic with my ex, but she's brushed it under the carpet. Obviously it would be much better for her and her friend if the two girls were getting on famously.....

i feel this situation is just going to get worse. My daughter is showing signs of apprehension about school, she doesn't know how to manage the situation. We've spoken to her teacher and the daughters Mum is aware of the situation, but I feel it's been trivialised for convenience sake. I think what my daughter wants is the freedom to play with who she wants without repercussions. She said she is happy to play with the friend, but I think ultimately, given the choice, she'd prefer not to. Not sure how that would then work when the mums are hanging out. Is there going to be bitterness and resentment on the friends part etc

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 03/09/2019 08:35

Sounds very difficult. The only thing I can tell you is that once they go to secondary, all the dynamics change. They all become more independent and no parent arranges sleepovers...your DD needs then to begin to say no to sleepovers with this girl.

Does she enjoy the sleepovers at all?

CarolineMumsnet · 03/09/2019 09:24

We're moving this over to relationships for you now, OP Flowers

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