NC'd for this as this is very outing.
Best friend (let's call her Jane) is autistic. We've been best friends for about 4 years now and have gone through many ups and downs together. I do not have SN but try my absolute best to understand Jane's autism and how to help her. As a result of her SN Jane is very gullible and trusts very easily which I love about her but she has fallen into many bad relationships and had money taken from her. I've always tried to be supportive and when things get bad to be there for her. We talk every day (I ring to make sure she's okay, she also is often struggling with MH issues and has depression and anxiety) and I don't control her life at all and am a step back but I always am there to talk to or give her some support.
A few years back, just after we became close friends, she met her DP. At first he was great, supportive and honestly I thought I could trust him and she thrives and I was so happy for her. He also has SN, but has Aspergers. Obviously I know SN is a scale not a competition but he was much higher functioning than Jane, she wouldn't be able to go out without being on the phone and struggled to cook a microwave meal, he was studying chemistry, going out all the time, loved to cook and sing, and was very outgoing and energetic and seemed lovely. She moved into a place with him fairly fast but otherwise things seemed okay.
In October 17 he began having issues with leg pain. My DP has fibromyalgia and chronic pain from this so we were sympathetic. We helped to give him advice on going to the GP, asking to be referred to a pain clinic. In the meantime he began taking over the counter co-codamol and when he ran out would be asking Jane to buy him more. He began asking his mum to buy him some too and then DP and I and then his friends. He was completely addicted, taking up to 30 8mg codiene tablets a day.
In Dec 2017 Jane said if I'm the New Year he didn't cut the habit she'd leave him and I'd honestly never been prouder. He didn't at first so she stayed with me for two weeks until he realised and quit. All seemed good again but I just said to him it can't happen ever again. We all move past it and things are getting much better between Jane and him. They get engaged. They move into their own place without parents in a smaller town close by.
Between then and now Jane's DP is diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Her MH declines too and she's put on meds for a while that basically made her extremely passive. Her DP gets put on pain meds (tramadol) but due to past of addiction has to get Jane to pick up his meds every day from the pharmacy and he stops cooking, stops helping her, lives in bed (won't even get on the sofa) but refuses to see GP about being depressed just insists it's all too much pain that's the issue. As a result, Jane's anxiety goes through the roof and she starts having multiple panic attacks a day, and as she's isn't being helped with cooking she lives off of bread, wraps and hummus and dips and chocolate.
Then he starts asking her to buy co-codon again. So she does, going to every pharmacy in town in a cycle. After a few weeks she'd be getting pills from all five or so pharmacies she can walk to every couple of days. They stop selling it to her. So he then makes her buy paramol, a 30 pack, separates the codified from the paracetamol and takes it all in one go. Pharmacies stop giving both of them that too and ask Jane about her partner when she comes in to the pharmacies. So then he starts getting his mum to buy it again, then stealing Jane's meds as that's something. Then asking me and my DP to buy some.
I've just found out that on Friday they went to a different, much larger town and Jane's DP made her go into every pharmacy there, buying 30 packs of paramol but telling pharmacies they are for her dad/mum/girlfriend/aunt. These are to last him until Tuesday. Tomorrow. It's bloody ridiculous!! They went to at least 10 pharmacies that day and the trip there was only to get pain meds.
On top of all this, it's Jane's money he's using to buy all these painkillers. He's convinced her that his hip is dislocating daily yet he can walk on it the day after, that dips are fine to live off of and that although they're too poor to afford for her to get things that benefit her MH issues and autism (things like having her hair done boosted her confidence massively) he is still buying all these pills.
I'm sick to death of it. But she won't listen. Every time I try to talk to her about it she cries that she hates seeing him in pain and she loves him and that he's not addicted he's just in pain. She won't see the dangers that he's putting himself in and feels like it's fine that he lets her slip further into needing help. Apparently he wants to help her with her issues but his take over. It's not a partnership. But she doesn't want to hear it. I don't know how to talk about it with her as she just doesn't want to listen. Jane sees her DP as an amazing human being and whilst he can be, this isn't okay. So what the hell can I do about it? Can I help her? How without upsetting her? If she drops contact with me she'll have no one local she speaks to and I'm scared that she would as he's her partner and I'm not.
If you've made it this far thank you! Sorry it's so long!