Dsis and BIL

[bandmum]

Dsis and BIL married 25 years 2 DC 1 at uni 1 just moved back after uni. 8 years ago BIL left dsis for OW. After 6 months he asked to come, several months later she agreed. 3 years ago she discovered what she believed to be emotional affair with same OW. I was supportive of her, but had hoped she would throw him out. She didn't.
Last weekend she discovered another full blown affair. I know it is very early days but she seems to be looking for reasons to allow him to stay. I am really trying to just be supportive and reflect back her thoughts and feelings. Problem is although I am mad as hell with BIL I am also start9to feel a big angry with Dsis.
So my questions are, how can I best support my sister, is it my place at all to try and influence her decision and why do I feel angry at her?
For context she did not cope well emotionally when he left 8 years ago, but as far as I am aware could cope financially on her own.

I think a lot of MNers would say it isn't up to you to try and influence your DSis' choices. However, I think it is natural for most of us to do so for family who we are concerned about.

I'd feel angry towards my DSis if she let her DH get away with having affairs and treating her with such little respect. He keeps on doing it and she sends out the message that it's ok and she'll always take him back.

I suppose all you can do is support her in her decision but I'd want to explain that she has options and what they are.

If it was my sister, I could be very honest and would tell her he's taking her for a fool and will continue to unless she puts a stop to it by not being with him.

His behaviour isn't that if remorse and I'd encourage her not to be the fall back option.

When someone tells you about their problems...it kind of becomes your problem too...so I'd have no qualms saying what I think.

A friend of mine is in a similar situation...so I cant be as blunt...

She doesn't want the stigma of a divorce...so I said why doesn't she declare it an open relationship, whete she does what she likes, seeing as he has multiple women on the go....and she can stop stressing about his text messages.

She's become a nervous wreck and lost so much weight it's upsetting.

If she was my sister... I would have said more about his multi women antics.

If she

He has blocked OW on fb, removed her number from his phone and closed his Twitter account. My dsis thinks this proves he can't contact her again.
Dsis says he's in as much of a state as she is, not sleeping etc. But I just struggle to understand how she will ever trust him again. I think she thinks if she throws him out he will simply turn to the OW. I don't want to alienate her, as if she stays with him I will have to have some kind of relationship with them both. I'm the only person she's told

I wouldn't necessarily try and influence her decision, but I would definitely tell her the truth regarding how I feel about her husband.

I would tell her exactly how I feel but let her know I'll always be there for her.

The problem is, if he's carried on with OW for so long, there are going to be lots of feelings there. It'd almost be better if he was cheating with different women each time for the thrill.

Your poor sister!