Moody ex

[2019flower]

So...I got back in contact with my ex because he begged me back
I do love him and I have gone back to him before but I cannot seem to get over him hence me keep taking him back!
It's been 5 years on and off - so much has happened !
We lived together at one point but I had to move out coz of his moods...
He has a lot of debt and keeps starting businesses in the hope the next one will ' take off '
Since back in contact he has promised me won't be moody even suggested councililing
The last few weeks he has been back to his normal self
Over yesterday and today I tried to talk to him as I'm waiting for him to say sorry !
All he's done is come into the kitchen as I was cooking gave me a big hug and at the end said
' better now?!' I was like wtf
Said nothing....had dinner...
I feel I've had to walk on egg shells and be very careful how I word things but I asked for a chat nice and calm still he has said the following
I'm cold with him
I sneer when he talks about work and I'm not interested in his work ( his work has put us both in financial difficulty in the past)
I over talk him
I really don't think I do?! Other than his work I really don't agree with so maybe I do look vacant
He's done stuff to hurt me in the past so I feel it brings it all back for me...
He spoke to me like a piece of dirt tonight saying ' it hasn't worked sweetheart' and ' you'll get over it, you'll be back on tinder soon'
He's just been really horrible to me
My nanny's funeral song came on yesterday and he said ' god this song is so windgy' I said that's my nannies funeral song! Which I'm sure he knows but he said he didn't and he just went ' oh sorry I won't bloody talk'
When I told him today that hurt my feelings he said ' it's just a fucking song and It IS windgy'
I just feel so stupid for putting up with years of crap, feel so week
Do you ever look at your partner and think if I met you now I wouldn't even go on a second date ?! So why am I putting up with it now?
I'm so down please help need someone to talk to x

Sometimes the best thing to do is go cold turkey... if nothing is changing at all then maybe it's time to leave him...

I've been in a similar position, with a guy I was on and off with for years but he was awful to me, and I still went back time and time again, looking back now I don't even know why I did, it's hard but sometimes you need to put yourself first!

I hope it works out for you and you feel better soon, x

Thanks @Kaiser1805
I can't believe I've put up with this for so long. But I've tried before and he always gets back in contact and begs and I crack. It's like he has this hold over me. I don't even recognise myself. On paper I know it's not nice behaviour but when he's sorry and begging saying all the right things it's so hard

I know, and no matter what that part is always hard, my ex was always the same! It's so hard when they're begging but you have to be strong and put yourself and your mental and emotional well being first x

I'm not sure why I feel so cut up when I know in my head it's a bad relationship
I've spent 5yrs with this person and when it's good it's perfect and I don't want to be a late 30's single person ! I feel so sad

I was the same, I spent 4 years with the same guy on and off and he promised me things would be different each and every time, he never was! My mental health plummeted, and I was so sad all the time!

I cut him off completely and went cold turkey, I picked up some hours at work and then I got my hair done and my makeup and worked on building my confidence back up, best thing I ever did,

So why am I putting up with it now?
Only you know this.
Low self-esteem.
Similar upbringing so this is your 'normal'
No love for yourself.
Self-sabotaging your own happiness.
Lack of self-worth

Could be anything.
But you know this is not right.
You know deep down that you deserve far far better than this dickhead can offer you.

I think you need to do some work on yourself.
Understand why you are willing to keep going back and putting up with his shit.
Counselling or therapy would be a very place to start.

Do you have hobbies?
Go to the gym?
Go out with friends?
Have lots of family around?

@hellsbellsmelons maybe all of those 😥
I've called the drs today and I've self refered for some counselling
First step to get myself sorted

No gym or hobbies. Need to sort something out. Don't do anything for myself really. Have a handful of friends and small family

Thank you for the advice
It's helped a lot x

You need to block all avenues of contact and tell him not to contact you again, because it's not a healthy relationship.

Wish him good luck for the future and tell him not to contact you begging as he has previously done or you'll be forced to take legal action and report him for harassment.

You need to say it and mean it...or don't say it.

Thing is every time we've split I say that and it doesn't work
I've really tried, I've blocked and deleted and tried to my best and even got to 4months last time
He tries everything and then I give in
It's like a vicious cycle isn't it

He resorts to leaving notes, putting money through my door and trying anything to get me to talk to him

Imo to get over a man you need to get under one. Once I slept with someone else I knew there was no going back!! Had a fab 3 month fling and was ready to face the world!!
Did indeed meet a fab man soon after and now remarried with another dc!!
Bad habits can be broken op!!

don't want to be a late 30's single person !
Why not?
This is what you need to tackle.
Being single can be great.
No-one to answer to.
Eat what you want
Eat when you want
Watch what you want
Whenever you want
Go out with friends
Meet up with family
Do an exciting hobby
Meet new people.
It's a new beginning OP.
Single is fab.
You cannot find a good relationship with someone else unless you have a good relationship with yourself.
You need to learn to self love.

Your first steps are great and you've acted quickly.
Well done!

Lol I've met other people in between but feel I always miss my ex

Haha I just haven't been single and guess I feel a bit lost and like a failure atm
I hate this feeling and I know I need to snap out of it x

All my friends are settled down and I guess I'm envious and I feel lonely

Don’t fall into the sunken cost fallacy, just because you’ve invested 5 years with him.

Why do you miss him when he treats so you badly? Why do you think that he's so amazing if he can treat you like a piece of dirt? It isn't good, it's crap.

You need to remember how you feel right now and never let him back. He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve better. Because this isn't love (on either of your parts) - on yours it's some kind of addiction backed up by low self esteem and lack of self worth.

You are worth more than this you really are! Counselling, friends, and doing what you love - it's much better than this cycle of saddling yourself with someone who just treats you so badly.

@BeaverPeron I guess the best way to answer that is that I miss the good times...as they were there too. We have the same interests, foods, drinks, sex lifes compatible, he wants kids, so do I, we get on famously and have such a laugh, we connect in a way I haven't Witt anyone before, we've gone through stuff together (similar childhoods ) that no one else understands ...
YET he has this side that comes out which is HORRIBLE, NASTY, he's selfish and is never wrong, is hardly sorry and plays the victim in life. He's also very rude to people like he has no patience and gets into road rage...
So I know that should cancel out the good but my brain just misses the good....it's my head that remembers the bad, not my heart. I feel I'm mourning for the good times even though they aren't consistent, they are there....I am guilty for letting it go on so long
But in my defence I do end it, I do tell him it's not acceptable and I go through the breakup...he even agreed this time.
Then days, weeks months pass with this game of making contact to try and break me
Bribing me with dinner, drink, coffee, night out, night in, night away, making it sound idillic, anything he can think of to make me have ' just a chat' just for 5mins then I can leave. I block him, he turns up, he makes up different email addresses when I block, he calls from withheld, he leaves notes on my car you name it he knows he can get me back. 4 months it was last time. We met for coffee then I was hooked as I felt broken, lost and I used him to make me feel better. He knows this. He knows I am weak.
He sulks for days, weeks sometimes but then he's back
Like he's forgotten all he has said and done ! And maybe I then do because it's not so raw
So this time I HAVE to get over him...I can't do this to myself anymore and I agree I deserve better than his treatment.
I guess I've also felt sorry for him too...he's been through a lot and I sometimes feel I've put my own happiness before his.
Not anymore.
So the reason I cannot block as he goes into this mode of constant contact....so i need to just ignore

He tries to get you back by putting money through the door?? What does that tell you about how he sees you - a service that can be bought? Yuck!

well it's the good times that keep you going back - if there weren't any then no one would go back. But you know, you are worth more than this. He is abusive and nasty and treats you badly and no good times are worth that at all (and you know, I do understand!).

He'll be back in a few months - the pattern never changes (I know this too!) - you can only change yourself.

and you know the email addresses, the calls, the notes, the turning up - it's creepy and weird. I have an ex like that - multiple email address, social media accounts, different numbers, and it's just creepy. It isn't showing you how much he loves you. It's weird.

Counselling will help you.

It's because he put stuff on my credit card and he's always paid it back to he fair
That didn't bother me, like if we were out and bought a meal I would put it on my card and he would pay it off - it's just another way to contact me before even though I said I wasn't fussed on the money
Luckily he doesn't owe anything this time

(and bloody hell, don't have kids with this man!).

Thanks @BeaverPeron no I won't have children with him...thing is, I know you are right and all of you are I just feel it's the norm..and also he BEGS PLEADS And it's very difficult to see a man who love do that...I know I don't know why I do I just feel I've always done a pro and con and thought things would get better..know that sounds stupid
I just always believe he wants to change. And no ones perfect
The things he said about me..being cold and not interested and looking blank I mean I do those things
I just feel I have good reason and it's almost manipulating in a way, trying to make out im just as bad as him. And I know I'm not.
I've true I have and this time it's the end x