Coercive Control in a Friendship

[MrsMozartMkII]

What to do when you can see it's happening, but the one being coerced can't and is likely to react badly to having it pointed out?

My cousin's daughter (mid-twenties) has a friend who is around all the time. Almost constantly. The daughter had an operation a couple of weeks ago and the friend pretty much took over whilst she wad in hospital. My cousin and her DH, who are caring, competent and loving parents, are being pushed out. They know little of the Consultant's prognosis, etc., and whilst the daughter has returned home the friend continues to be taking control of all aspects of the daughter's life.

The daughter has a strong character and personality. My cousin is no weakling on the character front but the daughter is the more opinionated of the two, which makes this coercion hard to understand and hard to break. Going about it the wrong way will likely result in the daughter going to the friend's place and being ever more controlled.

Cousin needs a way to open her daughter's eyes without alienating her.

Any and all suggestions much appreciated!

The daughter is an adult. She is allowed to pick who knows about her health.

Presumably this friend is a partner.

MrsBertBibby very true about her being an adult etc. It's not that so much, other than cousin would like to know what the prognosis etc. is, as well as the daughter still lives at home, it's the overall picture. The overall control that this friend has over the daughter. I'll see if I can get some more examples.

No, not a partner.

I don't think it's coercive, sounds more like the daughter doesn't want the parents involved.

It is impossible to give you any advice as you haven’t described a controlling relationship. As a pp said it sounds like one adult choosing another adult to confide in rather than her parents. The same parents who are described as strong willed along with the adult.

The only thing I could read from that is that there is a battle of wills within the family and the daughter is excluding her parents from being involved in her medical treatment. They are not taking the hint.

Given the involvement of medical professionals where is the harm?

Sorry, I think I worded my opening post badly. The health thing is just the latest.

The friend doesn't like the daughter having other friends and gets upset (vocally so) when the daughter sees other people. She wants the daughter to do things the friends way, go places with the friend irrespective of what plans the daughter has, wi'll often be ill so the daughter goes to look after her.

I'm second hand to this, but am taking your thoughts back to cousin and asking her for more than her gut instinct that something is wrong in the relationship. Cousin isn't the fanciful type, hence me taking her seriously enough to ask for help on here, which I'm doing instead of her as she's badly dyslexic and prefers not to post on any SM.