I’ve NC for this as it’s not something I’m open about IRL.
I was with an abusive man for 9 years, he cheated on me, emotionally abused me and escalated to physical violence in the latter half of us being together. It was quite bad, I’ve been kicked in the stomach, punched, spit on. He tried to stab me but cut himself instead. When we eventually split I thought he was going to kill me when he put his hands around my throat. In the last two years I completely fell out of love with him and would lie awake thinking of ways to get him to go. No one knew until the end, I’m a strong person with a good career etc. and this was not something anyone suspected. I would make excuses for the bruises, good ones, and people believed me. I waited too long to end it but I can’t regret that now, what’s done is done.
Thankfully I got away from him over 5 years ago and am now married to a lovely man, we have a gorgeous baby DD and I am so so happy. The problem is the past still haunts me, I have nightmares where my ex is banging on the front door trying to hurt me and my family. Certain things trigger certain emotions where I feel I am right back there in that moment. I went to a shop the other day that I had last been to with my ex and I had a panic attack and had to leave.
My DH is aware of what happened but I don’t think he fully understands how it’s still affecting me basically because I haven’t told him. I want to move on from this, I’m fed up of him still being on my mind!!
Any advice please?