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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I think it's over

16 replies

RainbowUnicorn1 · 01/09/2019 22:39

The words angry and disgusted don't even come close or begin to describe how I feel about DH at the moment.

Last week DS, who is 20 weeks, was admitted to hospital after being inconsolable for hours, his feet turned purple, and his heart rate was over 200bpm. He is home and better now but whilst DS was in the hospital and the doctors were running a 24 hour heart trace, awaiting test results and wanting to do further test, DH thought it was acceptable to leave us in the hospital to go and watch the football! He stayed up all night drinking and was away for over 24 hours sleeping off a hangover. I am struggling to understand how anyone can be so selfish, inconsiderate and basically act like they do not care. I told him to leave on Friday, which he did, but now wants to come home. I have said no, I don't want to look at him, speak to him, or hear anything he has to say. I think what he has done is completely unforgivable yet he thinks a half arsed attempt at an apology makes everything ok and I should just carry on as if nothing has happened. I am devastated to find out what a horrible person he is but he thinks he has done nothing wrong!

OP posts:

Span1elsRock · 01/09/2019 22:44

That behaviour would be a deal breaker for me.

You and your DS deserve better. I hope he's now better, you must have been frantic

BunnyJumps · 01/09/2019 22:47

Did your H know what was going on while he was at the pub?

Fidgety31 · 01/09/2019 22:48

Not excusing his behaviour but could it be that he was unable to handle the stress and reacted to the possibility of losing the baby by running away and drinking (denial)?
Men’s minds work in strange ways to women’s.

Original poster

RainbowUnicorn1 · 01/09/2019 22:50

I have never been more scared in my life.

Yes he knew, he left the hospital knowing we were waiting on blood results, as they were carrying out the 24hr ECG, waiting to do a chest x-ray and talking about the possibility of doing a lumbar puncture.

OP posts:

BobTheFishermansWife · 01/09/2019 22:51

Seconding @fidgety not to minimise at all but could it have been his coping mechanism?

Zofloraqueen27 · 01/09/2019 23:02

You were in crisis and needed help and support from your husband. He should have been glued to your side while you both waited with your baby. Thank heavens your baby is home and hopefully will soon be better.

Any father who can bail out at such a horribly stressful time and go to watch football and get drunk leaving his wife and baby in hospital is in my opinion a vile person and the poorest excuse for a father.

I hope your baby never needs urgent medical attention ever again. If his father can’t be bothered to support him when he really needed help what chance does your son have for his future life with such a dead beat father.

You and your son deserve much more than this man can offer you both. Please don’t allow him back into your lives. By doing so you would be enabling him in his shockingly neglectful treatment of you both when you were both so vulnerable and in need of support.

What a dreadful future you and your baby son will have if you allow this man back into your lives. He has shown you where his priorities are and they certainly are not with you both.

firstimemamma · 01/09/2019 23:08

Nothing to add op - the previous posters have said it all. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry

Unburnished · 01/09/2019 23:12

Did he just leave or did he give a reason for leaving? Did he watch the football at home/in the pub, alone/with friends.

I’m just wondering if it was deliberate shirking of responsibility or a fear reaction and football is ‘comfort.’ (still no excuse though).

Original poster

RainbowUnicorn1 · 01/09/2019 23:34

He told me he was going home to watch the football, invited his friends up for a drink, and I know they never left until at least 4am.

OP posts:

SpearEyes890 · 01/09/2019 23:41

I get your frustration babes but it seems a tad rash really to end it. Could be that he is genuinely retarded with feelings and judging the atmosphere more than anything. Do have a strop at him but probs not leave him?? Maybe I am too soft but it does sound like your need time out to cool down hun

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/09/2019 07:38

Oh my gosh, I hope your little one is on the mend now? How awful.

I agree with Zoflora, there's absolutely no excuse. None would be acceptable so yes, I agree with you, it sounds like it's over. Your baby was vulnerable and ill and he left you to it. You must have been terrified.

Marriage vows aren't just to prevent cheating, there's the love, honour and cherish bit to. where did those fit in with his justification for his utterly selfish behaviour?

category12 · 02/09/2019 07:53

It doesn't matter if he drank because he "couldn't cope" - he's completely useless and a liability to you as a partner if when things are difficult he's going to fold or bail on you. You might as well be on your own.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 02/09/2019 07:56

Why do so many people excuse behaviour from men like this with the 'struggling to cope' line. He didn't do it because he was struggling to cope, he did it because he sees his own needs as being a priority over his partner and small baby's needs.

LadyGAgain · 02/09/2019 08:05

Deal breaker. You will face many a challenge bringing up your DS (glad he's well BTW) and you either need someone by your side in whom you can rely/share/support or best off without.

Has he offered any insight into his disgusting choice of behaviour?

ConfCall · 02/09/2019 08:06

Horrendous behaviour. The only reasonable excuse for leaving that hospital? Practical stuff genuinely needing immediate attention, an older child requiring something - that kind of thing.

Newmumma83 · 02/09/2019 08:11

This is just awful, I would Defno be feeling the same as you right now.

If I got a grovelling I couldn’t cope apology maybe I would let him back but not
For a good while .... and if it happened again ... out the door and no looking back.

I would demand an explanation on which planet he came from where his behaviour is acceptable in that circumstance... and that he needs to think about how he would feel if his child had died while he was getting pissed because that could have happened ... he left not knowing what was wrong or
If the baby would be ok... prize twat moment goes to him x x x

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