Hiya. Background here, I had a baby 2 months ago. Adore her. Got back into sex, comfortable with it, no pain etc.. My choice.
I have some sexual trauma history, I think the most important bit to talk about is that one of the trauma events was with this guy who constantly compared me to other women, tried to pressure me into changing my body and looks to suit what he wanted. Emotionally abused me to the point where I couldn't look at myself and manipulated me into doing ANYTHING in the bedroom to please him, if I didn't want to do it he'd make me feel bad.
4 years later I'm in another relationship with my babies daddy. The other day I asked "what have you done that we haven't done sexually?"
Stupid question on my part. I should of known I would of got insecure after this question. As soon as I find out I haven't done something I feel the same way I used to feel. Then I beat myself up about it, basically screw myself over. He replied "had sex on the beach, bus or college"
Shocked me obviously, but hey ho. We all have pasts.
But now I'm sat here, two days later, beating myself up. I feel insecure, ESPECIALLY about my new mummy body. And I hate myself for not feeling up to do that stuff. Feeling competitive. Stupid. I know its stupid but I can't help how I feel right now. He's tried to make me feel better but there isn't much he can do, its my stupid head and trauma.
I love being a mum, and I am new into it. But I want to feel like a woman too. I just feel like an unsexy, boring mess.
I would appreciate some loving kind words, advice or someone to tell me their situation please?
Lots of love.