Am I doing the right thing?

[PumpkinP]

I’ve posted before about my ex, we have 4 children and he doesn’t see any of them. He has been absent for about 3 years (since I was pregnant with the youngest) he has seen them 3 times since then. The last time being 3 months ago, he hadn’t seen them in a year prior to that. He contacted me out of the blue begging for contact, I agreed to let him see them again, he saw them once and has now disappeared again. He said he doesn’t want to be a dad and won’t be forced into it, and basically that he will never see them again. I’ve blocked him since then and have decided not to allow him contact again if he trys to come back at some point. I just want to know I’m doing the right thing as I’ve heard the door should always be left open but surely it comes to a point when enough is enough?

(He has previously turned up at my house in the middle of the night and stuff like that but mainly he will just email again after about a year but I won’t respond again this time.)

Shut the door op
You're doing the right thing

He was really abusive and manipulative so sometimes I find it hard to know if it’s the right thing. He said I tricked him into having all 4, How is that even possible?! He will never take any responsibility and when I said I want my children to have a dad (he was trying to make it out to be my fault why he wasn’t seeing them again) he said “well you should have thought about that”

The door should definitely be shut and locked.

Yep, block, move, do whatever you need to OP. He will only hurt your children and you and do them lasting emotional harm.

Yep, I would drop contact.

If he changes his mind, make him go through the courts. Keep his messages to support your side should it come to it.

4 children by a man who claims he does not want to be a Father.

Eradicate his existence from their lives OP, and lock the door.

Love and cherish your 4 beautiful Children.

I don’t really have much family, only my sister and my dad and they don’t help out so I do it all alone. He said I only want him to see them because I have no family. That’s when I said well no obviously I want
My children to have a dad and he said that I should have thought about that. He doesn’t pay a penny either but that’s another battle

No child deserves a father like him, teach them this.

Good luck.

pumpkin it is better for childrens emotional and mental health to have an absent father than a flacky emotional abusive father. I say emotional abuse as he seems to think it is ok to pick up and put down your dc as he wishes.

It is shit, i know from experience (((hug))) and

Your lovely children don’t need their little lives disrupted and knocked about by this unreliable man. They don’t need their Mum to be preoccupied and worried about when he will turn up and how he will let them down - again and again. Do not expose them to this. You are doing the right thing for your children. They need certainty and consistency in their lives. You need all of your emotional energy for yourself and them. Once you have blocked and locked him out physically - you need to detach and erase him from your head so that thoughts of him do not drain or distract you from focusing on providing a calm and peaceful home for your DCs. Well done on knowing what to do.

Good to hear I’m doing the right thing! I seriously dread the thought of them tracking him down when they are older