Loss of trust

[MiraMa132]

Thanks in advance for reading all of this. It's a long one.
About a year and a half ago, right after our daughter turned one, I found out that her father (we are together but not married) had been in touch with an ex-girlfriend while I was pregnant. I first found an explicit photo, and when I asked him about it, he said it was from before we were together. Except it had a date on it. He then said she sent it to him, that she's a little crazy, he wasn't intersted, and immediately blocked her. Again, called bullsh*t, remembered that I'd seen her name pop up on my Facebook searches (he was on my account looking at her page apparently as he doesn't have an account), so I messaged her. She told me he had told her that we were split up, not living together, and she had sent several pictures that he'd asked for.
He was immediately regretful, apologized profusely, vowed to be honest in the future, etc etc. He seemed genuinely sorry, and I didn't want to break things up, but this has sent my trust issues spiraling out of control
Flash forward,to a couple of months ago. I started snooping again, and found multiple messages to his friends about checking out other women, chatting up a hot 18 year old bartender, with comments about how awesome it would be to bang her. Comments about sometimes he things about how nice it would be to be able to have sex with whoever he wants with no responsibilities. Demeaning comments about how a new coworker needs to dress conservatively or it will ruin his sanity. And on and on.
Again, apologized profusely. Said they were just mostly jokes with friends. He would never act on it. Etc etc. I don't think I can accept this. But to break up the family seems very hard.
Does this sound like harmless banter? He doesn't go out and stay out late. I don't think there's many chances for him to cheat, but my thought is that if he has this mindset, he will eventually. Anytime he does go out I'm at home basically panicking. It's not healthy. Can it be salvaged?

Ask any woman who saw it and denied it.

Then get in line.

You will never, .................. e v e r .................... believe what comes out of his mouth.
You already know this, because you are on here. No one here is going to say you are exaggerating. No one.

It's like this; A mother knows her adult child in their late 20's was a drug addict. Drug addicts are second monster only to the worst one, the drug.

A mother, whose child swears up and down to the moon and back that they are squeaky-whistle-clean, as promised, crying, begging for them to believe it is the truth....

No parent would be on here unless they already knew with every fiber of their being.

You, in your heart, know he is not faithful. No charm will cover a mess, and leopards don't ever lose their spots.

Take the high road.
I know you are not yet ready and you will go along with the facade of having a happy family. Remember, there is a reason you are not married. No matter what you say to yourself, you know deep down why.

It is difficult to let go and move on. I know this from personal experience. I did not tell a soul what happened, I just stood up for myself. Something inside of me just stood up and said NO.

From that moment onward, my life changed.

For the better.

Your child is in your heart. Listen to what your heart says.

How old is he? He sounds very immature and not ready to be an adult at all. I know you're having a hard time but you also sound a bit naive yourself. How would you be advising your daughter if she was the one coming up to you with this problem?

You really need to consider your future with this compulsive liar before you invest anymore of your time.

mira i agree with MsDogLady

What are your deal breakers? How many times does he need to do this to you. Can you live a life of constantly worrying about what he's up to? He's going to make the leap to being physical at some point, i know that's painful to hear.
You deserve a happy life, worrying and stressing over a shit bag who doesn't care how he makes you feel is going to destroy you.

You don't want to bring up any children who see how their father treats you, they'll think it's normal to treat partners that way or even be treated like it themselves.

My friends dad was similar years ago, though obviously this was a long time before social media. Once as kids we were being naughty and looking through stuff and found naked pictures of some lady. Another time one of the kids we all used to play with asked if her dad had a new girlfriend as they'd seen him kissing another woman and going into the house. We must have been about 7/8 at the time.
It turns out he'd been doing it for years with loads of different woman. She stuck around as they had 3 daughters, a house a car etc.. and he'd given her the same promises and commitments that your partner has given you.
I love that lady and after 25+ years since she divorced she still takes anti-depressants and has never been able to trust anyone enough to have any kind of lasting relationship.

You don't have trust issues: he has trustworthiness issues.

I don't blame you for not trusting him he hasn't done anything worthy of trust. You deserve better x

I suggest you tell him you are seriously thinking of ending the relationship. I think all those messages you found are just showing you his true colours. If it was me, the relationship would be already over! But that's your decision everyone's breaking point is different

Of COURSE he's going to be sorry he got caught. He wasn't sorry when he wasn't caught.

This behaviour doesn't change it just gets crafter.

Love yourself more and get rid of that POS. His way of thinking is toxic. It is disrespectful to you and others and it is damaging your mental health with worry and distrust.

If he believes this is 'just how men talk' why is he sorry? If it was completely innocent he'd have no need to feel remorseful.

That's who he is and he won't change. He'll just hide it from you..as he's done with the change of passwords.

He told his Ex he was single and got her to send him pics. He lied about it until she told you the truth.

He won't change. It doesn't matter if he doesn't physically cheat, because his behaviour is shady as hell.

He sounds incredibly immature and it's not how men talk. It's how uncontrollable childish men wity no respect for women behave.

You are elevating his status and giving ppl the impression he's a respectable man by being with him.

You truly think he's a wonderful father and a role model for her? He's a walking,talking misogynistic pig-raise your standards!