How to actually leave marriage

[DuckPie]

DH and I have been married for 8 years and together for 14. We have 3 DC under 6. We've always argued on and off over nothing serious but lately (last year or so) it feels constant and the severity is escalating.

We don't argue over anything in particular but just don't get on. I find him selfish and slightly lazy at home and he finds me bossy and condescending. Thats probably true, I find myself often losing patience with him.

We've had another row today that was very heated and he called me some awful names and was generally quite aggressive towards me (not actually physical). I realise I'm just so unhappy and we just need to end it.

I'm not sure how though. We are not in a position to sell the house and neither of us could afford anything else. All of our finances are shared and we earn almost equal amounts. We do have some debt that we are comfortably paying.

DH has done the 'fine we will divorce' talk but he won't actually follow this up. There's no way he'd move out. This time I really want to end it before it impacts the children any more. I just don't know where to start. How do we actually end it?

Make an appointment with a solicitor.

Yes deffo to the solicitor. When you say you are not in a position to sell the house, what do you mean?

I’ve been wondering this as our lives are so emeshed. I think renting a local Airbnb for a few months in order to get out immediately could be a first step whilst consulting a solicitor and having the space to think and sort things out. It’s hard to separate whilst living under the same roof. Could that be an option for you?

Please speak to a solicitor before you move out. If he's aggressive towards you then that's unreasonable behaviour.

@bluejelly I just mean it wouldn't sell in our area right now (neighbours being trying to sell for 10 months) and I don't have any savings. I'd be unlikely to get a mortgage on my own and not sure how I'd afford to rent anywhere in addition to paying what I already pay. I just feel trapped.

It's not unbearable 90% of the time but I think I've made up my mind we should separate.

I think a solicitor is the way to go to explore all options initially. Thank you

In the same boat,married 18 years,3 children 18,17,11.he has had control of all finances all of our time together,I'm a dinner lady so don't earn a lot,house in joint names,he won't move out,I also have bipolar and our relationship makes it worse...want out have done for years.....don't know where to start..

@Antha720 - please start your own thread.
You can get some proper support that way.

OP - start with a solicitor.
Have you had counselling to address your relationship issues?

Is there enough space in the house to separate but live together?
I know is this is not the best option but it could work short term.

Why don't you try relationship counselling first. It might give you some space to continue paying off your debts, get some savings together and sort yourself out.
My husband left with no warning and left me with all kinds of shit to sort out including the sale of the house, having to move cross country for permanent work and deal with all our joint debts. It was a bloody nightmare.
If you leave now you are going to have enormous problems especially with three kids which complicate the situation enormously, not to mention an affordable home, spare cash for emergencies and divorce costs.
I really think couples counselling would give you some space to prepare and work out how you are going to do this.
A one off visit to a solicitor will give you an idea of what to expect financially as well.
Never act in haste, prepare, prepare, prepare.