Thinking of leaving husband 5 months pregnant

[JY8819]

I know this sounds absolutely crazy but I'm just so unhappy in our relationship and since I've gotten pregnant our relationship has gone rapidly downhill. I'm really not sure what to do as I don't know if its hormones or stress / worry on both sides about having a baby but I honestly feel like it would be easier to do this without him.

We've had issues in the past but nothing major and we both planned this baby...things weren't great when we were trying to be honest but he has problems with 'finishing' so it was very stressful and created a lot of pressure / tension trying to conceive. Before all that things were fine!

Since I've been pregnant he's been incredibly unenthusiastic, unsupportive and negative about everything baby-related. He says he's sick of me talking about it, had no patience for my morning sickness and just doesn't seem interested even though he was fully on board with starting a family before.

I just feel like he speaks to me like crap all the time, criticises me for not being really tidy even though I've been working 12-hour days in a stressful corporate environment and been totally knackered on evenings / weekends but I feel like he expects the same from me and just doesn't give me a break at all. His timing for criticising me always seems to be when I'm really tired and worn out.

Whenever I spend time with family and friends I get really excited about the baby / planning everything then I'll show something to him and he'll just say it's too early to be looking / its too expensive / why do we need that (we both earn plenty - he's just very tight outside of buying himself expensive gadgets). I feel like he's spoiling what should be a really happy time in both our lives by being so negative.

I know its not major stuff and I am without a doubt much more up and down with the hormones but we're generally just not getting along / winding each other up constantly. We had a huge row today and he called me the c -word so I just went nuts, we were out shopping and I took the car and left him there....I don't think its ever acceptable to speak to each other like that I don't want that environment for the baby. I feel like we'd both be better parents if not together, I just feel so stupid for getting myself in this situation.

If I'm honest the main thing thats stopping me is I'm terrified of doing this alone but I think it might be the best thing. Its even more complicated because we work together (my mother is director of the company we work for), we have a mortgage together etc so there's a lot of stuff to work out and the thought of doing all this while pregnant or with a newborn is not appealing. I really don't know what to do.

If you are married he goes on the birth certificate (and is assumed to be the father by the law unless proved otherwise).
It is not called custody anymore. You with both have parental rights. You as the mother will be the Resident Parent (pretty much automatically for a baby unless SS see the baby at risk of harm- that means previous concerns of child abuse or drug taking). As the non-resident parent he will have rights to see the baby, but they will be limited and even more so if you are breastfeeding.
But claiming that they will "go for full custody" and that you will lose the baby because you are "mad" or "messy" are frequent threats from abusive men. And is based in their delusions. Social workers do not take children away because of "yoghurt pots next to the bed", a level of messiness would need to be on a hoarders level for them to be seriously concerned.

Actually having someone threaten you like that is very good grounds to get out now.
(Can you talk to your mother about the situation?)

He's not going to change, he will get worse. You will end up doing everything on your own, as you are now, with a baby and a nasty partner. He can't get full custody.
My ex was like this. We broke up during pregnancy. Abuse often starts in pregnancy.

Give the baby your surname and get legal advice before the arrival. If I were you I'd actually move away from him. Nothing to stop you doing it now while pregnant, but he could make it hard when the baby is here. You need to set your life up now to make things as easy as possible when the baby arrives.

He sounds awful, to be honest. Your maternal instinct is kicking in - don't be afraid to listen to it

My mothers on holiday at the moment, I don't want to spoil her trip but I'm going to speak to her when she's back next week. She really likes him so she will be very upset....he's nothing but sweetness and light in front of her but a few of my friends have seen him talking down to me and aren't too keen on him.

He's always been quite bossy and a grumpy character but never, ever at this level, I wouldn't have dreamed of starting a family with him or marrying him if he'd spoken to me like this. We've been fighting all day and he's not interested in making it work either. I'm going to let things settle and then talk about next steps but I have a feeling he's going to be difficult about everything, the house etc. My family live close buy, his are miles away so I can see myself having to move back home to have the baby.

I wonder does he realise what he's potentially jeopardising here? He seems to be acting like you'll just put up with this. Has his behaviour in other ways changed? How long does he usually take to cool down after arguments?

it sounds like he got you pregnant to see if he is fertile, not in any interest of having a baby with you.
he sounds vile, leaving him is the best option.
he cant take away the baby.
ignore what he says, does till your mother comes. then you can make a good plan.

he got you pregnant and now he thinks he can behave as he likes, you cant go anywhere-you are trapped.

I also vote for a trial separation, you appear vulnerable to him and he is taking advantage. You can always reconcile if he heeds the wake up call. If you continue with him your early days with your little one may be spoilt by enduring his abuse of you and you will be even more exhausted and perhaps feel more trapped.

Go to your Mums. My husband was like this when I was pregnant and it got worse and worse. I am trying to leave now but it is harder. Surround yourself with people who will support you so that you have the chance to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your baby’s early days.

Get legal advice about the house.

Hope you're ok OP.

Pack your bags and leave the son of a bitch. There's no going back to a MF who would call his pregnant wife a cunt. Smash all his expensive gadgets with a hammer on the way out. There's no fucking way he'll get full custody.

If you're breastfeeding as you said, he might get a few hours of visitation a week but not be allowed to take baby away from you. A judge will not order a breastfed baby to be taken away from their perfectly capable mother and fed formula. If you go down that route, I would also suggest saying that pumping doesn't work for you and you only get an ounce at a time if your ex suggests it.

OP this is how it starts, in my opinion it will be all down hill from here and throw a baby in as well, it can be a hard time if your baby doesn’t sleep well/feed well, comes early, you need support and as much as some men don’t get the excitement in buying all the stuff and getting ready, he should still show an interest in this huge life changing event