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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He just doesn’t seem to care

6 replies

pumapuma · 01/09/2019 12:06

about my feelings. If we argue or if I say I need something (like space or privacy) then it’s immediately received with negativity. Does anyone else have this? We’re married and been together a long time but things have always been difficult. Lack of communication and misunderstanding my intentions etc I had this huge realisation today that he actually doesn’t appreciate or think about my feelings at all ever, in any situation. Is that a lack of empathy? Is that normal in blokes? My father was like this so I don’t have a good sample set. For example, I could never understand why he would get angry and storm out when we argued if I cried (normally from frustration and upset). If you don’t ever think about somebody’s feelings then of course you wouldn’t care or sympathise if they cried. Does anyone else have a partner like this? Is there any hope? I wonder if this is why I feel so lonely and frustrated in my marriage. Is there always one person who does all the feelings stuff and compromises?

OP posts:
Notthetoothfairy · 01/09/2019 12:10

No, not normal. I suppose it’s possible he might think you’re faking it to manipulate him if you cry every time you argue with him but he doesn’t sound very nice to be honest. I would definitely think twice before having kids with someone like this.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 01/09/2019 12:22

It’s not normal and you’re clearly with someone who doesn’t love you.
Sorry but that’s the reality.

pumapuma · 01/09/2019 14:12

Oh I don’t cry anymore. I’m numb now and bitter inside. That’s the truth. It still hurts and I rarely smile. My fiery and fun nature have been demolished by my marriage. I do have small children so it’s my own fault. I ignored all the red flags for years and years. I have no idea why I did that.

OP posts:
Melmam · 01/09/2019 14:15

I know that feeling very well feel free to pm me any time for a chat

SpearEyes890 · 01/09/2019 14:23

Does he really love you? Gotta ask thgat yourself and answer honestly hun

Catmar · 01/09/2019 16:37

Yes. My partner is like this. You are not alone. I think in my case it's because I have zero confidence or self esteem. I will always compromise /give in. It's just how it is for some of us.

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