Calling Escorts - AGAIN!

[HLJM04]

So.. partner drank last night (as always) - woke me about 3am you know what for, obviously tired I went back to sleep after saying no.

This morning there's a missed call on his phone at 4:07am - I google the number, it's a local escort company.

We've been here before, through the lies etc.

Feel numb, can't even be bothered to mention it as I know what I need to do.

Our daughter was asleep at home you last night.

He's got messages from a friend this morning (I know who it is - male btw) talking about drugs.

Why do I still get that dagger like feeling that rips through my heart when I think about leaving?

Because it's a loss xxx it's sad and a shame and could be oh so different.

But.....it is not.

Can you sit with that feeling for a bit and not run from it?

What would you say to a friend who said this about her partner? Now follow your own advice.

You will be fine. You will come through this. You will be happy.

Good luck OP

He drinks a lot
He pesters you for sex at an unreasonable time
Doesn't get it so calls escorts. Again
Is involved in drugs

Goodness knows what other flaws he has.
Make a list. See it in black and white.
Has awful. Has zero respect.
Leave. You will be so much happier and in control of your own life.
You will also be sending a clear message to your DD about boundaries and self respect.

Tear off the sticking plaster.
Make a start today with regard to getting out.
And never go back.
Men like that don't change.
Please don't continue to enable his behaviour. You do not want to be on here in 3 months time asking why has he done it again. Do you?

Best of luck. You can do it.

Did he actually go out?

Thanks everyone... why does being human mean sometimes it's so hard to do the things that should be so easy?

@busybarbara - what do you mean?

She means did he go out before getting pissed ?

Or did he go out to get drugs

Is he only like this when drunk

I'd tell him it's over , then grey rock 'it's because you drink too much, phone escorts and do drugs and repeat every time he argues

Oh I see...

No we'd spend the entire day/evening together as a family (all very normal)

He didn't go and get drugs, his friend was asking him if he could get some!!!!!!!!!

He's, still sending messages now about it!

I was quite scared to leave my ex.
Fear of being alone, I think it is.

But I actually found relief. And freedom.

Imagine that OP.

You don't have to dread someone else being drunk.
You don't have to dread being woken up in the middle of the night for sex.
You don't have to feel that awful feeling when you see a missed call from an escort service
And you don't have to put up with recreational drugs.

Imagine the relief, OP. Be brave. It's scary taking that plunge but well worth it.

Just leave. Do you really want your DD growing up in a household like yours?! That’s the kind of stuff that messes with kids’ heads when all the secrets are revealed.
Think about your DD

@PlinkPlink - thank you.

How long ago did you leave? Have you manage to pick life back up and start again ok?

Are you still on your own or in a new relationship?

Asking for sex in those circumstances is disgusting. I feel for you OP. So hugging you now.

I was with ex for 10 years. I left in 2014. 2 months before we were supposed to get married.

It was a little rocky after, I wont lie. But they were necessary life lessons I needed to learn - mainly to do with my own finances.

Not once did I regret it. Ever.

Yeah, I'm with OH now. Lovely man and we have a DS together.

Oh poor you. YOu deserve more but at least you're not steeped in denial. You're several steps ahead of that. You know what you have to do, it's just doing it is hard.

Most people who leave partners/separate will be scared in some way, financial worries/homing issues will be high on the agenda but you will come through it.

You find a way of coping, you find an independence you never knew existed.

10yrs ago I would never has thought I would be sat here typing this having got divorced, sold the marital home, moved away from the area I lived in for 23yrs, got a new job at 50yrs old and a mortgage on my own.

I now have a great partner who is so different from my exh along with having my kids and gd.

Life is not for hanging around thinking he will change. Grab the bull by the horns and don't be a doormat.

One step at a time. You know what has to happen. It's the 1st of September. A great day to start this journey. By 1st September 2020 you will have come so far.

what do you mean?

Oh, I meant when he called the escorts did it result in him actually going out to meet one? That would naturally radically change the situation in my books, at least.

That's just it, I'm no fool for thinking he isn't behaving in a certain way - of course he is and as much as I'd like to think he's changed, all the lies are still there.

I just need to find the strength to go and that is the struggle.

I don't want to disappoint my DD in anyway - although I know you'll all say I am by staying.

It's hurts a lot and I didn't want any of this...x