Hi everyone,
I’ve been on here on and off for a few years now.
I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. Basically I met a guy online just over 5 years ago. Similar ages, 37. He had a visa for Australia when we met (he is English) but we dated for 5 months. The relationship was intense, we chatted about wanting a family etc. Met his family and friends, went on holiday it was all great. I fell pregnant, he left and went to live in Australia.
I decided to bring up my daughter on my own, we have a lovely life and happy the two of us. Zoom forward 3 years later, we get back in touch with one another and slowly start building up contact via email/FaceTime etc. He met my DD for the first time last year and will be visiting us again at Christmas this year.
I admit it, I really hoped we would maybe get together again. He is totally beautiful to look at, and I wanted the fairytale. Everyone despaired with me for thinking this after everything he did. And just before everyone shouts at me, I’ve been careful with protecting my daughter as I obviously don’t want her to get hurt. I’ve not actually introduced her to anyone I’ve dated and she’s 5 in Feb! I’m monitoring him all the time, ensuring he is consistent and so far a year and a half later he is doing ok. It’s the best I can expect from someone living on the other side of the world.
It’s been a long journey, but I’ve finally let go of the fairytale. He has said a few things recently which have made me realise he won’t ever change. Today he said this:
I often look at her pictures and it fills be me joy, but also makes me feel incredibly sad, but this is just the way it is!
it made me finally realise he has no plan on ever joining us as a family or coming back.
He has mental health issues, anxiety and possibly something which makes him unable to attach in relationships. So I’ve come to realise that he can’t help the way he is, and I’m now at peace with it. For many years I felt rejected, like I wasn’t good enough. But I realise my ex, just isn’t the type to settle down - is more of a loner.
I’ve remained single because deep down I wanted to be with him. But now I’m hopeful I can move on and meet someone new. It’s taken him to come back into my life to gain closure, and although painful some good has come from it.
I guess I just wanted to come on here and say from my own experience, that unless you gain closure in relationships it’s so hard to move on. I’m glad I’ve got it 😊