My husband may have slept with some he works with. I say may, because I'm not sure, and he's denying it. This doesn't help me as he'd deny it even if true.
Basically I found some flirty messages between him and a girl from work on his work laptop. I'm not sure what made me look (I was on the laptop doing something else) but I did. Along the lines of 'you can have me whenever you want' they were from several years ago and we have gotten married since. Obviously several other messages.
Anyway, I confronted him (kinda wish I didn't and looked into it further but hindsight is a wonderful thing) he said nothing had ever happened, and admitted he had flirted etc.
The problem is I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It's taking up so much headspace. And I've told him all the time, and we discuss it etc. I found a selfie on his phone (of himself posing) and jumped immediately to him sending it to her- I was convinced because I went back over my WhatsApp and it wasn't to me- turns out he sent it to his family group WhatsApp (that I am also in) and it was because he sister was taking the piss out of his beard.
I feel like I see something and I make it fit my story of him cheating. But then what if he actually did. Then other things like a Christmas card from this woman in work - addressed to us all plus 'bump' as I was pregnant at the time. So then I'm like well what kind of sicko would send that knowing she'd slept with my husband.
In the midst of one of my 'I can't believe you cheated on me' moments I told him I wanted to speak to her. He said no - obviously - and said if he had slept with her then he would have, but I'm asking him to get some woman from work to speak to me and she hasn't done anything wrong.
I left it and then she rang me! He obviously spoke to her about it. She rang, apologised for all the flirty messages, said they shouldn't have sent them but that nothing has ever happened etc etc. (She also has a long term boyfriend)
So I was again thinking- would someone do this if they had slept with him?
He has only once gotten angry about it, and said he wishes he could say something to make me believe him. And I want to. So much. But it creeps back into my head every so often and I have this niggly doubt that won't go away. Most of the time he just talks it through with me, has even gotten upset a few times too.
For context we have been together 9 years, 5 year old, married for 18 months and a 7 month old baby. Our baby was 2 weeks old when I found the messages so wasn't great hormones and all.
I hate that I don't know 100% either way. I feel like it's stopping me from moving on.
Has anyone ever felt like this? How do I stop?
I love him, we're otherwise very happy. And I'm worried that if he didn't cheat I'm pushing him away. And if he did, I'm the stupid wife who buys his lies.