When to tell my children that my friend is now my boyfriend?

[Pearly2005]

Hi everyone, I wondered if i could have some advice please. I've been friends with someone for two years, we work together and recently our friendship has developed into more. My children know him having been friends already and their dad has moved on last year with someone who he moved in with after six weeks of dating.. Something I'm not going to do. I just wondered when is the right time to tell them as its not like he is a new partner that they haven't met before but at the same time I don't want to tell them too early. It feels so right but I want to do right by them and not tell them too soon. Advice very much needed x

Things to consider here OP..

1. How long have you been together romantically?
2. How old are your children?
3. When did you and your ex break up?

Can’t really give advice on telling them without knowing the above!

I would let them to continue to believe you are just friends until you are sure he is staying out in the long term.

How old are your kids?

Hi they are 8 10 and 15

My ex and I broke up 3 years ago but he wasn't able to move out until 18mths ago and then my partner and I have been together for 4 months. My kids are 8 10 and 15

At that age I think you have to tell them, but don’t even think of sitting them down to deliver the news, that formality prevents them from casually asking questions and ads a lot of stress.

Just mentioning in passing next time it comes in the conversation and make sure you answer any questions they may have. The younger ones may be happy to hear the news if they like him, it is important for the teen to be reassured that this guy is a companion/friend/support of their mum, not a prospective “stepdad” who may come with authority over them.

I agree with the above. Tell them but keep it lighthearted.

I reckon it will be fine!

I would tell them that you were dating now but reassure them you're not going to move him in like their dad

4 months isn't long at all. See if it has longevity first.

Thank you that makes a lot of sense. Yes I certainly won't be rushing it, I just want them to know he is part of my life in a more romantic way and not going to change anything in theirs for a long time

No need to reassure them he is not moving in if they are not bothered to ask the question. But if they ask just keep it light hearted and open ended like saying something as simple as people take some time to work out if they want to live together and we have not been together that long yet to consider it.