Downsides of partner becoming my cleaner?

[maartjebaabes]

My partner has recently moved in with me. I have a reasonably sized house and have always paid an agency for a cleaner for 4 hours or so a week.

She works full time, but has uni etc commitments to her children and remits to her parents too.

She wishes to take on additional work outside her job, and a few hours cleaning every week would be fine.

She has suggested that she replaces my cleaners, cutting out the middle man and travel costs.

This makes financial sense, but does anyone have experience of any problems? Are we nurturing a future source of resentment?

Don't become her employer as it will alter the power base of your relationship in a way which isn't healthy. She will come to rely on that money, you may not be satisfied with the cleaning. Resentment will likely build.

How do you plan to have performance related conversations with her if the cleaning isn't up to spec? Have you thought about the conversation if you should need to fire her and hire someone else?

Yeah, it's a bad plan.

I can see things going wrong here. For a start, she’s living there. Why would you want to pay someone for cleaning their own house? That’s just bizarre. Plus what of her standards aren’t up to scratch? Obviously when she’s cleaning a clients house she needs to provide a professional service every time. I can’t see her providing a professional every time she does her own housework. Plus obviously half the mess in the house will be her own. What if she can’t really be arsed one day and decides her stuff doesn’t really need cleaning as she’s happy where it is (it is her house after all). Or decides her house doesn’t need cleaning one week. Or decides she’s already done enough day to day cleaning through the week and doesn’t want to do an extra 4 hours (I’m assuming you’re planning on her doing the 4 hours at a set day/time per week), but still wants paying? Are you going to be able to pick her up on sub standard work? Or potentially fire her? This will not be good for your relationship

Personally I'd say no. I wouldn't like the dynamic. And what if she doesn't do it to the standard you want, or on the timescale you want, or can't be arsed to do it occasionally? How would that affect your relationship?

Why is she struggling so much financially? If you're living together, you should both be benefiting.

Really bad idea. She has just moved in with you so there is plenty of other stuff to be getting used to with each other. Even if you had a settled and calm relationship this new idea is very likely to rock the boat.

So many things to go wrong - she doesn't get round to it, she doesn't do it quite good enough, or not the right way. It's just a huge issue which could cause arguments.

She might save travel time and agency costs but she is far more likely to lose her relationship. My vote is against .

Just no.

What if she isn’t any good?

Dreadful idea, tell her no because you don't want to jeopardise the relationship.

Sounds simple on paper but it will create a dynamic that will impact your relationship and probably not in a good way

Things to think about:

*. What if she isn’t very good, not flexible etc?

• Will it be cash in hand or will there be an employment contract?

*. What if she wants a pay rise?

• Where would her duties as a cleaner end and her duties as a member of the household begin?

My advice, don’t.

So you would pay her to clean a property she lives in? Is she contributing to the cost or sharing finances with you? Sorry sounds an odd arrangement.

Great idea. I might ask dp to pay me too although then I should probably pay him for cooking.

I don't see the problem. Maybe pay her for a certain amount of hours or certain tasks and make sure you share the load out with that.

I wouldnt. I personally think is demeaning.

Surely if she lives there she’s doing 50% ish of the cleaning anyway?

Will she pay you for cooking, or gardening? It won't work. It'll be like paying a child pocket money for completing their chores. If she wants to earn money, it needs to be unrelated to you - cleaning somewhere else or an independent work from home job.

Also, won't she begrudge being paid to clean up her own mess? Very odd. And if you're not happy with what she's done, I can guarantee it won't stay professional. It will become a personal argument.

Would you be paying her for your share of the cleaning while she does her share (as a resident in the house) for free?

At the moment my dh pays for our cleaner but she's about to leave. I would quite like to take over but fear the repercussions as outlined above!

Do point out she’d only get half of her usual wages because she’s living there!

Very weird set up - kind of sets you against each other. Wrong dynamic.

Leapyearlover you mean you want him to pay you to clean your own house?

no, it's a very weird setup. It would need to be way more informal setup. Could you let your partner clean and you do something in return that would financially benefit her?

@soydora Just musing really. If I did it, it would be instead of other (paid) work I do so I would be losing out if I wasn't paid and would be convenient for him too as he could pay me less than the cleaner! However it would be a bit weird....

No that's strange, it's her home and if she has the time and energy to clean where you don't then she shouldn't be paid for it. If she's not happy doing it for free I'd continue to pay your current cleaner. That would be a very weird situation all round.

Don't do it. It will muddy the waters and potentially cause issues if you're not happy with her cleaning standards.

Let her sign up with an agency as a cleaner if she needs extra money.

She has suggested that she replaces my cleaners, cutting out the middle man and travel costs
You mean it will cut time and cost for her as otherwise she would have to find pt work outside the house?
YOU will still be paying a full hourly rate - minimim £10 - for her to do YOUR share of the cleaning.
You will also be paying her to clean her share of the mess.

I'm guessing that you currently pay a larger, if not most, of the bills seeing as she has Uni commitments and has no full time earnings?

I would guess the 'reason' for not finding a job outside the home is down her commitments re her dc and parents?
Did you have an open discussion about financing her completely and accommodating her 'commitments' all at your expense?

Mixing business with friends is not a good idea - mixing it with a romantic partnership is a sure recipe for disaster.
The line will be blurred very quickly, especially if there's already an imbalance re how the housework is currently shared.
It also puts her financial 'responsibility/security' directly back onto you.

How did she support herself before moving in?

ip

Most people overestimate the robustness of their relationship dynamic, especially when their relationship enters s new phase, which yours recently has. Her proposal does make perfect sense from a business point of view but doesn’t take into account that you have a non business relationship which I assume takes precedent.

Embarking on a a subordinate relationship, whilst maintaining an equal partnership is a big risk.

.

Thanks all, a pretty unanimous verdict there!

I’m surprised at the number of people who think that as it’s “her” mess she should clear it for free . She already works FT I don’t so obviously I should take Responsibility for far more of cleaning, cooking and gardening. My choice is that I play a cleaner anyway, I don’t see there’s any “fairness” about who that Cleaner is.

But the practical point that this throws a new complication into the relationship at what can already be a difficult time is compelling.