First of all a bit of background story. Me and my partner of 9 years split up last Summer after I’d had enough of mental and emotional abuse. i.e. being called fat and ugly, shouted at, being ridiculed and constantly being made to feel like a piece of crap – not to mention the control!! Exs name is on mortgage, mine is not yet we’ve agreed for me to have the house as our daughter loves it here. Since it’s technically still his house (I can’t afford to buy him out just yet) he comes and goes as he pleases and usually brings a lot of abuse with him. This has now escalated to violent behaviour which DD has witnessed a cocaine addiction and various suicide threats. Obviously not an ideal situation.
Since we broke up I met a lovely guy who made me feel happy, secure and above all respected. Until I STUPIDLY ended it because I still hung up on my ex and it wasn’t fair to not give him 100% when he deserved the world.
Ex has now got a new job where all the staff are relatively young and he is currently dropping our daughter to go out every Friday night. I stupidly went through his phone and had seen him talking to his friend about these girls, texts to girls as young as 19 (he’s 29) saying he likes them and even texts inviting them back to the house when me and DS are asleep upstairs. I’ve never really been a jealous person but all of these gorgeous young ladies have got my back right up. He insists they mean nothing to him and he only wants and loves me. It really hurts to think he compliments these girls and makes them feel amazing while he made me, the woman he supposedly loved and the mother of his child feel ugly to the point I wouldn’t leave the house.
Deep down I know if we got back together he would treat me well for the next year then revert back to his old ways yet I’m still hung up on him. I can’t stop the thoughts such as: What if I’m wrong and he has changed his ways and treats the next one better than me?
All this worrying has had me going crazy. I was checking these girls Instagram constantly comparing myself etc. I have had to disable Facebook and Instagram for my own state of mind because it’s not healthy. (I know I have a bit of a cheek since I moved on.) Sorry for the rant but I’ve never been through a break up before as we were together from me being 17. I want him to be happy but at the same time I want him to be as miserable as he made me for 9 years. Again, selfish I know. He is absolutely loving the fact I am bothered although I'm trying my best not to show it.
Has anyone been through similar experiences?
Is it normal to feel this way?
How do I get over him?
I’m so grateful for the other guy who showed me what a healthy relationship should look like and reassured me that there are decent men out there but I need time to heal.