I know I sound ridiculous but..

[Bluee91]

Me and my partner haven't had sex in a year and a half. I've spoken to him about it and I've just had him say hes too tired or stressed. I've made a move so many times just to get rejected and honestly its knocked my confidence completely.

It's got to the point now where I'm debating if it's me, if he even finds me attractive anymore. I've lost count of the times weve spoken about it and I've told him about this yet it changes nothing he just says it's not me.

Our sex life used to be great we would be at it pretty much every night ( sorry if TMI ) so I dont know what's changed.. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's got to the point where I'm dreaming about sleeping with people, I know dreams mean nothing, or I'm even fantasizing about sleeping with people I dont even know (even my neighbour) Now even writing that has made me feel guilty, I would never cheat or act on this. I don't want to sleep with anyone else I just feel like a dog on heat. I'm missing the affection and closeness.

I just dont know where to go from here, I dont see things changing I think hes got too comfortable or just doesnt want to admit he doesnt 'get in the mood' anymore. It is starting to get me down, but at the same time I dont want to end an otherwise good relationship over lack of sex. My mind is all over the place.

It's not ridiculous... its soul crushing to be continually knocked back.

How old is he OP?
Not that age really matters....

@IamtheOA he is 50 but sex was never a problem for him before me either. It just one day stopped and I dont understand why.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I think the options are -

-have a frank conversation about how this is affecting you and making you unhappy
-ask if he is happy
-if you want to, suggest counselling

When I experienced this in my marriage, I felt all the things you’re explaining. I was so desperate for sex, I’d form hopeless crushes on people. A brush of my leg by a work colleague could render me useless for an hour as I disappeared in a daydream
Even worse, my partner caused a huge row when he found I had a vibrator - in my case, looking back now, I think it was a method he had of controlling me. But! Just because my ex partner was a controlling selfish shit, that doesn’t mean yours is, and doesn’t mean it’s beyond salvaging. But equally, please don’t let your partner damage your self worth, and keep you in an unhappy relationship where you are starved of affection, mine ate away at me for years.

I have a dp who is 50 and our sex life is irregular although not to this extent. It's extremely frustrating but it's always been this way for us and he has explained that he has low libido so I've learned to live with it. Having someone who previously enjoyed sex suddenly withdrawing it with no explanation is not ok. I can understand why you are upset and annoyed.

Be warned that you will likely get comments suggesting he has a porn addiction or is having an affair etc. It's probably not the case - sounds more like a health issue to me. But without having an honest chat with him you'll never know.

@Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain Councelling is a no go its crossed my mind but I know he wont want to go, I think the discussion is the only thing I can do even though I've tried. I think I need to be a bit more blunt and to the point as before I've not said how I truly feel as I'm worried about it causing an argument.

One thing I do know though is that I can put up with it now but I know I'm not going the rest of my life like this. ( especially now I cant look my neighbour in the eye anymore )

@ElleDriver I could deal with irregular as I dont want it every night but sometimes would be nice. I know hes not having an affair and doesnt have a porn addiction he barely knows how to use the internet as I have to show him most things and he asks me to go on his phone and answer texts and phone calls a lot so it would be pretty risky on his part to let me on it if he was having an affair. Hes bad at communication and wont talk if there is a problem whereas I'm the opposite

@Bluee91 perhaps he has some sort of health issue and is feeling embarrassed about it? Might explain why he is unable to discuss it? My otherwise confident dp clams up a lot when I try and talk about it, I think it's maybe a feeling of being inferior.

I really think that without communication you are doomed though. Nobody can be expected to go without sex for this amount of time with no real discussion about it..

I hope I'm not being too forward here but -
Have you tried to bring him off with your hand, does he get hard ?
Other than piv ( penis in vagina) does he do anything to you ?
Asking this because could he have erectile dysfunction ? He might be too embarrassed to talk .

Also does he have high blood pressure or on medication that might effect him ?
It is unfair of him not to talk about it , being tired for a year is not a good excuse ! Another possibility is depression ?

@VictoriaBun To make things even more confusing he does get hard, the other night he was and said how he was horny but still didnt bother. Then I tried the night after and he said no sorry I was randy last night not tonight. Wtf.

@ElleDriver I will try tonight, I understand it would be embarrassing for them but I need to know for my own sanity

I think you need to sit him down and ask him to open up why he no longer wants a sex life. The I'm stressed / tired excuse for the duration is not really a good enough excuse. Perhaps you should suggest you go to the gp together for tests. Bp , hormones , etc.