Should I lie and say I cheated on him?

[TheIcecreamLady]

So I’m separated from my husband. We stopped having sex about 12 months ago, and stopped living together back in April. Now I found out that he slept with someone else. Don’t know when yet, and he never admitted it but I’m sure 100% about it. I basically want to hurt his feelings and don’t know how. Thought about lying that I slept with someone too? Even tho I didn’t. Or any other ideas?

Not putting him on child support showed that I had a little bit of trust in him and now that that’s over obviously I don’t want to beg him for money every week or month. Trying to minimize the contact that I have with him

Oh love. Honestly, I’ve been there. It won’t give you peace of mind, all it will do is raise more questions that don’t need / have answers.

Put it out your mind and focus on you

Thanks RavenLG 😘

Plenty of people here, have been through it.

That's why they know, wandering this question wont help. It will raise more questions. You wont get any peace from it.

That advice comes from experience

If you’ve been through this before you would understand. It makes a difference, it’s peace of mind, I think everybody wants answers to their questions

I’ve been through it. It doesn’t give you peace of mind at all. It just makes you more angry and gives you more questions. You sit and stew over the details you know and obsess over the ones you don’t. Essentially it is a form of self torture. You are letting him upset you by taking up all this space in your head and emotional energy and it doesn’t affect him at all. You being angry doesn’t have any impact on him. Just on you. Why would you want to make yourself angry? Where’s the benefit? I’m telling you this from experience. It took me having counselling go realise this. I spent far too long being angry over my ex and the things he had done. Wasted years. I could have been happy id gotten away from him all those years.

It’s also a way of keeping hold of a part of him. Resisting moving on. Cut the ties and move on Op. for yourself. this way lies freedom and growth and peace.

Never underestimate how assholey exes can be, or the stress they can cause you especially if you have to deal with them so they can see the children or pay towards their children.

The best thing ever that will hurt him is if you show him you are indifferent to him and what he's done, don't let him know you care what he did, it doesn't matter, you don't care, you're moving on and happy. That's what will hurt him more!

Do you really think he cares?

Some posters are being pointlessly sharp with you OP. What you’re feeling is entirely understandable. But don’t lie about cheating to hurt him, and take the steps you’ve planned: divorce, child support claim, and stop re-arranging your week to make it easy for him to see his kids. That’s his job.

He sounds like a dick. You’re well rid. As other PPs have said, focus on your future now.

Thank you everyone! I won’t lie about cheating. I spoke to him last night and he still denies it that anything has happened. So what do you think about my schedule? I was planning on asking him to pick up the kids from daycare on Fridays at 4pm and put them to bed at 8pm at my place (he doesnt have a stable place right now). I leave work at 8 usually on Fridays. Or should I just do everything myself?
Thanks for all your advice

Certainly don’t do everything yourself. Your children have two parents so two parents should be parenting them. Start as you mean to go on.

First of all, does his job allow him to be free to collect children every Friday at 4? If so then he hasn’t no excuse not to agree to this.

What are his plans for finding a permanent place to live where he can bring the children? He can’t see them at your house long term. He needs to be properly parenting them and that means in his own place and overnight.

I would also suggest he takes them out on either Saturday or Sunday during the day so you have some downtime at the weekends.