I'm a regular poster but I do name change periodically to avoid an ex who stalked me on here.
I've been seeing my lovely dp for over a year. We don't live together but he's met my kids who all approve (they're teens). We see each other pretty much daily and are very close.
I love him dearly and things are great in so many ways but he can't talk about things that are bothering him and for me that's becoming an issue.
As an example recently, I went away to visit family for a few days. Told him I'd be back Friday. Assumed (perhaps wrongly, but understandable I think, bearing in mind we see each other every day) that I'd be seeing him on my return.
He's busy tonight. I was disappointed but understand that he's entitled to spend his time how he chooses and I don't own him.
I said I felt sad but also that I understand he must also see friends etc. He said it had been booked for months but he hadn't wanted to raise it because he finds it hard to talk about things that make him feel uncomfortable and he doesn't know how to raise the topic. I'm not controlling. I have no desire to tell him who to see or how to spend his time and perhaps I was wrong to expect to see him, but based on our relationship thus far, it was within the realms of our normal dynamic.
As another example, A few weeks ago I found out that he had a fling with a close female friend of his (couple of years ago) and he hadn't mentioned it. She sees him often and rents a house from him. Again, I don't have an issue but I was surprised it hadn't come up in conversation (bearing in mind he had alluded to her in relation to his daughter's mother accusing him of two timing her with this friend) He just didn't mention who it was until I put two and two together and asked him outright. I have spent significant time in the company of his friend. It's in the past, of course, but I was a bit taken aback that he didn't think to tell me and it's someone who is current and significant in his life.
I was married for 12 years to a man who would not talk about anything and who shut down and withdrew whenever things needed talking about and it was awful. I spent another 7 years with a pathological liar so honesty and openness are important to me.
I have also got history of being emotionally/sexually and physical abused in my childhood and subsequent adult relationships so I don't know if I'm being precious and unreasonable either. I'm working on this and am in therapy.
If you've got to the end of this and haven't died of boredom, Thankyou. My question is, knowing that we can't change others, would you stick this out, knowing that he's a lovely guy, or would you walk away?