How long till it actually sinks in that I'm now single?

[sugar88]

Me and my partner of 8 years both decided to separate a few days ago.

We ended up living away from eachother and only seeing eachother once every couple of weeks, one of the reasons for the break up.

The break up was very sad but mutual. I drove back home and I don't think it's registering that I'm actually single now. It was the norm that we went weeks without seeing eachother so it almost seems like nothing has changed if that makes sense? I'm wondering whether it will suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks in a few weeks.

Doesn't help this is the first time I've been single in my adult life as we've been together since we were 17. I literally have no idea what to do with myself now. I haven't even told my friends or family yet.

Just wanted to add, the thought of dating literally makes me feel sick like I'd be cheating on my ex. Which is obviously nonsense as we're not together anymore. I'm not planning to date anytime soon but I'm just seeing that as a sign that I'm not processing this all properly.

Is this normal and I just got to wait it out?

It’ll take a while and any feeling you have is natural. 8 years is a long time. Habits and your reality will change. Don’t expect anything much of yourself. It’s not fair.

I was in a similar situation (got together at 18, separated at 26, no one had done anything wrong it just wasn’t working anymore)

It took me a year before I felt open to the idea of moving on but I was actually very happily single. Met my now DH after 2 years and even though life isn’t perfect, it’s a million times better than what I had with my ex.

Be kind to yourself. It’ll take a while to process it all

I'm in exactly the same position - lived apart, only met occasionally, together for eight years. Although, in my case, I'd been trying to separate for the last four years.

I keep having to remind myself not to text. I guess it's like any other habit, it will take time to break.

Thanks so much for your replies

@patientzero did you stay friends with your ex? Sounds like I'm in a very similar situation. Nothing dramatic happened and I still consider him a great friend it just didn't work out. I'd love to keep him as a friend and he said the same but I don't know if that's a good idea or even realistic.

Could have written your post except its 25 years for me and have a teenage DC (not married).

Wonder whether it would have been better if there had been some major drama or argument.

Waiting for it to kick in here too!!!!

You will be ok. I’ve been single a long time now. Take your time and get to know yourself as a single woman. Find your happy self. Only then venture into dating again, you’ll be much the better for it x