Dating after Divorce

[SBD1]

I've never posted before and I am in a bit of a tiz for no reason.

I separated from my husband in September 2018 but didn't leave the marital home til April 2019.

I moved towns at the start of this month with my son, my ex lives in the old town 25 miles away. This was to be closer to work.

My friend jokingly signed me up to Tinder and I didn't reply to anything apart from one guy. Met him two days after I moved to this town, and then have seen him on and off over the past three weeks.

I am besotted. I'm not naive I know that is often how you feel when you meet someone you like but I cannot stop comparing him in my head to my ex. I really need to stop doing this? Silly example - he's cooking me dinner this weekend, my ex would have never done this. So for new guy its pretty normal, for me its like being treated like royalty.

I have no idea how to navigate the dating world, I have literally never dated. I don't know what speed you should move at - at the moment I'm going slow, (only just kissed him although we've slept in the same bed and cuddled since the week after we met).

I'm not trying to map out a future but like, when do you introduce him to your child? Do I wait months? I know its about what feels natural but I'm so spontaneous and impulsive that....."natural" doesn't apply.

My favourite thing at the moment is that he owns his house 20 minutes away, which means I can still be independent and have my own space as opposed to living with someone.

I just don't know how to date...I mean should I delete Tinder now?!?! He's so kind and sweet and funny and I don't want to jeopardize it but its literally.....3 weeks lol

HELP

TLDR; I've never dated, I was with someone for 8 years and I don't know what the heck I'm doing and I've rambled for 10 minutes.

I hadn't dated either before STBEXH. I met someone very quickly. We moved quite fast as in confessed our feelings and fell for each other hard and fast. Luckily we've been on the same page. Introductions to my DCs were done at 7 months and we're slowly doing small things all together or he occasionally comes over for tea.

In your situation I'd have a conversation to see if he's still looking on Tinder, to see where his head is at. That should open the door for that conversation about exclusivity. I'd definitely sleep with him now though 😉.

@newme2019

He literally makes my heart pound lol. We're quite similar in many things, gaming, music to a degree and hes just so fucking kind. So what was the 7 month introduction about? For me - my son doesn't go away that often so it limits my free time. As my ex is in a different town I can't just ask him to watch him for a night if that makes sense. For instance I have two dogs, me and the guy are taking them out at the weekend - but in future if I wanted to see him I might have to take guy, two dogs and child all out for a walk. Or maybe my son is a good buffer, means I have to behave like an adult and take things slowly!

I think thats a good idea about Tinder - I've deleted it this morning...I'll ask him tonight when I pick him up after his night out with work

Honeymoon period......anyone can impress.

Take it slowly.

I’m concerned that your standards may be low given your ex and never having dated before.

Do not be tempted (although I suspect you will) to introduce to your son for a good while.

Take it very slowly. There is no rush. It's easy to feel like that at the beginning and it may end up being wonderful but there is no point hurrying things along.

You need to keep your son away from anyone you date for a minimum of 6 months. You and the guy you are dating need to see without the pressure of having your son around whether you get on.

One reason is if you and the guy realise there is no long term future within that period then you won't hurt your son. (I didn't meet my partner's DC until 6 months in. )

Another reason is if he meets your son and they get on but the guy decides there is no future for you, he may actually stay in the relationship for longer than is healthy. I know a handful of people who stayed with one of their exs 8-20 months longer because of their ex-partner's child(ren).

@lovemenorca - Nah don't worry my standards are high, thats why I've never dated LOL
@Min2345 - good point!
@Musti - I am really trying to do this and actually it seems like this is my natural instinct
@ColaFreezePop - Okay thank you for this, really valid and helpful. 6 months is a good guideline