Page 2 | mother in law moment - do I need to get out more?

Jasper · 2002-08-24T00:17:35+00:00

I have a wonderful mother in law who is besotted with all her grandchildren. My ds has just finished his first week at nursery. Today I got home from work and he came racing towards me with his first picture he had made at nursery , shouting "I did a picture for you!" and I sat beside him for a while while he talked me through it.( I was pleased to see it was made up of sticky shapes just like the ones we had at school 35 years ago!) It was a cute mumsy moment and I made a mental note to pin it up in a prominant place, realising it would probably be the first of many and so was a little bit special. Later that day mil came round and after a while ds brought the picture in to show her, saying "look granny!" and she exclaimed " oh, you've made granny a picture! Oh THANK you! " and she took it off him and stuck it in her handbag! I was speechless . Of course I also saw the funny side, and I realise I will soon be heartily sick of toddler art. All the same I could feel my hackles rising,just a little. Tell me I'm being an idiot

Queenie · 30/08/2002 13:58

Azzie, children get there intelligence from their mother's side - this is a scientific fact which I read somewhere but don't know where. Any scientist's out there may say I'm wrong but honest I did read it quite recently. My MIL has 5 grandchildren - 4 of which she says get their placid nature from their fathers, her sons. This includes my dd although she caught on to what she was saying as she must have forgotten who she was talking to on the phone and tried to lighten it by saying dd was "pretty" like me - gee, thanks!

Mooma · 30/08/2002 20:29

Queenie - 'children get their intelligence from their mother's side'...oh my poor kids

aloha · 30/08/2002 23:22

One of the nicest things my dh has said is that if it's true that children get their intelligence from the mother's side, then he'd be absolutely delighted.

star · 31/08/2002 08:49

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CAM · 31/08/2002 15:37

My mil has gone so far as to say that dd's brown eyes (the exact copy of mine and all my siblings, from my father) come from her because years ago she had brown eyes (they are blue and have always been blue according to her family). Well she is over 80, but, even so...

hopey · 31/08/2002 23:01

Jasper, my MIL gets my goat up frequently and I have to ask myself if I am being too sensitive. She will be looking after my DD for three days while I go to a health farm (can't wait!!) and said DD will be walking by the time I get back (she can stand unaided). Call me oversensitive but I told her straight that she will be doing no such thing. It quite upset me. She goes too OTT. She's had her kids, why can't she let me enjoy mine? I want to see my DD take her first steps, not have her ride roughshod over everything. Am I being paranoid?

emsiewill · 31/08/2002 23:59

Just spent a week with PILs. Everybody we meet (including strangers who've never met us before, and have no axe to grind) says how much dd2 looks like me - saying how they would have known I was her mum even if we hadn't been together, etc... I like this - it makes me feel like a "real" mum. But all week, MIL went on about 1 remark made by dh's uncle that dd2 looks "a bit like" dh, and "not hearing" everyone else's comments.
Grrrrr. Irrational, I know, but annoying, nonetheless!

Ghosty · 01/09/2002 12:10

My dad keeps upsetting my SIL by telling her that her ds (12 mths) has ginger hair like him (when he had hair!) when her ds has obviously white blonde hair!!
My parents are desperate to have one ginger grandchild and so far all 9 (!) are blonde!!!
What is it about grandparents?

Original poster

Jasper · 01/09/2002 22:56

Hopey, that is so like my dear mil, and funnily enough she offered to look after my kids so I could go to a health farm for a couple of days!
She definately muscles in - takes over actually, in the special moments of parenthood.
Before our ds could really speak at all she claimed on several occasions that he said whole phrases perfectly clearly to her! (usually things like "where are you granny" )
She also used to say to me stuff like "have you seen him doing such and such? " or claiming she had taught dd to clap her hands or whatever.
I do realise it is all just because she loves them so much and gets terribly excited by them and I am very grateful for this. (honest)
Since the picture from nursery incident I have jokingly been referring to her as "that crazy old art thief "

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GillW · 02/09/2002 14:17

I spent yesterday morning making DS's first birthday cake - only to be told by Mother OutLaw that I shouldn't have bothered because she'd been going to get him one from the Supermarket.

I'm sure she thinks she's being very generous, and helpful (I work fulltime so cake making isn't something I usually have time for) but surely she should realise that his first birthday is something special which we'd want to celebrate ourselves. She could at least have asked if she could contribute by getting him a cake rather than just assuming that we wouldn't bother.

SueDonim · 02/09/2002 16:52

Jasper, you're not married to my brother, are you?? It's just that you could be describing my mum, there!!

CraftyCat · 02/09/2002 19:06

My favourite MIL moment - I spent hours dutifully pureeing anything in sight for DD during weaning. As my MIL so kindly said "It looks like real baby food".

Original poster

Jasper · 02/09/2002 20:54

Suedonnim is your mum like that with your kids?Does it bug you?
I am wondering if it only bugs me because she is my mil and I might not mind so much if my own mum did those things

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Sam29 · 02/09/2002 21:00

Am feeling like potential for clashes with mil great though at least when baby arrives it will give us something in common which is badly lacking at present!

aloha · 02/09/2002 21:22

My mum is every bit as competitive etc as any mother in law, but I suppose I forgive her because she loves him so much and I get to read the paper when she comes round...

SofiaAmes · 02/09/2002 23:43

My mil called my dh today to tell him that his pregnant neice is having a c-section on thursday (loss of amniotic fluid). And that she went out and bought a present for the baby and put it in a really expensive bag (? a northern mil thing??) and sent it to them with a note saying that it was from us. My dh thinks his mother buys the worst/cheapest presents in the world, so needless to say he wasn't very pleased. We had to call the neice tonight to warn her that we had nothing to do with the present and that we would be sending something else ourselves! Oh well, at least i took the opportunity to give her a pep talk (she is only 18) and tell her about the wonders of breastfeeding (she wanted to know whether you had to sterilize your nipples the way you do bottles?).

SueDonim · 03/09/2002 10:03

Dead right my mum annoys me, Jasper!! She's always been that way, competitive. When she had my children to stay she would give me chapter and verse about what they had eaten, down to the last crumb of Weetabix - and of course, she claimed they ate all the things they wouldn't eat for me! And the first smile/word/tooth/steps all being for her, even if I told her they had acquired that particlar skill weeks ago.

She also loves to tell me about her friends' grandchildren, how they all sleep/eat/walk/talk better than mine. She doesn't actually say that they are a superior version to my kids, but the implication is there....! She also has an obsession about 'good' and 'bad' babies. One that sleeps 12 hrs at night is good, one that wakes for three feeds is bad. A big fat blob of a baby is good, a skinny malinki is bad.

And then there is the comparison with my siblings children. For some reason, the perspective changes here. My nieces and nephews (all adult now) have been dragged up or repressed or given too much freedom or not disciplined enough, while I, apparently, have done an excellent job. It makes we wonder what she then says to my siblings about me and mine!! She also once told me she'd had higher hopes for me and I'd wasted my life. Thanks, mum.

As for MIL, apart from a desire to give her grandchildren sweetened tea at a young age, and trying to offload junky pictures or ornaments on them now (I have to tell my girls not to admire anything in her house, otherwise it comes home with us!!) she never passes comment and accepts them for what they are. She lost four children and I think she now just thinks children are precious, whatever shape or form they come in.

SueDonim · 03/09/2002 10:04

Dead right my mum annoys me, Jasper!! She's always been that way, competitive. When she had my children to stay she would give me chapter and verse about what they had eaten, down to the last crumb of Weetabix - and of course, she claimed they ate all the things they wouldn't eat for me! And the first smile/word/tooth/steps all being for her, even if I told her they had acquired that particlar skill weeks ago.

She also loves to tell me about her friends' grandchildren, how they all sleep/eat/walk/talk better than mine. She doesn't actually say that they are a superior version to my kids, but the implication is there....! She also has an obsession about 'good' and 'bad' babies. One that sleeps 12 hrs at night is good, one that wakes for three feeds is bad. A big fat blob of a baby is good, a skinny malinki is bad.

And then there is the comparison with my siblings children. For some reason, the perspective changes here. My nieces and nephews (all adult now) have been dragged up or repressed or given too much freedom or not disciplined enough, while I, apparently, have done an excellent job. It makes we wonder what she then says to my siblings about me and mine!! She also once told me she'd had higher hopes for me and I'd wasted my life. Thanks, mum.

As for MIL, apart from a desire to give her grandchildren sweetened tea at a young age, and trying to offload junky pictures or ornaments on them now (I have to tell my girls not to admire anything in her house, otherwise it comes home with us!!) she never passes comment and accepts them for what they are. She lost four children and I think she now just thinks children are precious, whatever shape or form they come in.

SueDonim · 03/09/2002 10:12

Oops, sorry 'bout the double post!

IDismyname · 03/09/2002 11:50

Well at least your MIL's have some contact with their grandchildren, and offer to have them while you go out/away.

My MIL is 82, no interest in ds, drinks herself silly most of the time, and has now let in 2 con men into her house to peruse entire contents including the attic yesterday afternoon. I've spent all morning on internet trying to locate small trunks to pack away all her silver to deposit in bank, but she's 3 hours drive away, and ds starts school the day after tomorrow.

What with cleaner having nervous breakdown (shall I clean the house, or might she just come today?), my mom flat on her back awaiting back operation, the news that there will be an (almost?) certain break in in the Norwich area sometime soon, I've HAD IT with MIL's!! (sorry to shout... )

At the moment, I'd be relieved to get a few snide comments...

Clarinet60 · 16/09/2002 11:43

I haven't really got a MIL as DH mum died when he was 18, however, I do have a wicked stepmotherinlaw, and she and DH LOATH each other. It's quite funny really. She is quite nice to me, but due to their poor relationship, hardly ever comes near. My own mum lives 200 miles away, so when I came home with DS2 recently after a C/section, I was all on my own. Boo Hoo! DH was being a useless prat at the time too, but that's for another thread...

Queenie · 16/09/2002 13:18

It's my FIL who's getting my back up at the moment as I am now 39.3 days pregnant and he keeps ringing up DH to discuss new kitchen's. As he has done nothing to his house in 20 yrs why is a new kitchen so important this past week. DH is a carpenter so FIL has him pricing up for this and that combination. It's as though he fights me for the attention DH has to give. DH mentioned it would cost about £600 to fit and FIL was surprised DH wasn't going to fly up north to fit it for them. Excuse me, new baby ring a bell plus existing toddler needing routine. I know they will come to visit when baby born and I don't think it will be happy families.