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Relationships

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Modern dating

5 replies

LonelyButterfly · 30/08/2019 09:39

I feel old saying this but dating 10 years ago seemed to be much less emotionally draining than it is now. I know at my age (37) people including myself find it harder to meet people and have accumulated more baggage and are more certain what they want and don't want. But there don't seem to be "normal" dates anymore. I've been on lots of dates over the past years but there's always something wrong: men who want to get intimate very quickly on first/second date (despite me stating I'm not looking for that) and sometimes even becoming very pushy and aggressive when I say no, who first seem very keen but then disappear without a warning, who aren't over their exes, who go on 7 and more dates but still want to stay on the dating app, either they tell you they like you within hours and already plan a future together or they play hide and seek, etc. It doesn't matter actually whether I meet them on (serious) dating apps/websites or through friends.

It's quite disheartening... I feel one has become like and object and disposable. I feel that this dating multiple people at once prevents from actually focusing on getting to know someone beyond surface level. In fact, all these possibilities about connecting with people only results in feeling lonelier than ever. It's not that I'm desperate for a partner but I've been single for ages so it would be nice to have some company and some TLC.

Has anyone found a way to deal with modern dating? Hmm

OP posts:
Ginmel · 30/08/2019 09:46

Your story isn't unusual, sadly. I love your userid too. Come and join us in this thread if you want - we are a great bunch - kind, funny, honest, supportive and humble 😉

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3676909-Dating-thread-168-The-things-you-choose-to-ignore-tolerate-now-are-the-reasons-you-will-break-up-in-the-future

VixenSixen · 30/08/2019 09:52

If you find out how to let me know..... Joking aside. I resonate with everything you have said in your post, I'm not sure what the answer is....

I'm in two minds about dating apps, while I think it's great for connecting you to people who you might not have met but the inherent problem with them is that there is always someone else who is another swipe away..... So, unless you meet someone who completely blows you away when you first meet its likely they might still be swiping away on apps, and can never really focus on one thing for any length of time.

I think the reality for a lot of guys using apps is that they will never actually ever meet anyone to settle with because they are in the mindset that there's something better out there.

I've actually shelved apps for a while now and focusing on getting out to meet more people, make those connections and perhaps meet someone that way.

I'm 36, single mum, happy with my life and have a busy social life, work full time etc. I will probably just end up meeting someone in real life rather than an app. I find them unbelievably draining and I can be utilizing my time a lot better than I am doing currently in the evenings.

Oysterbabe · 30/08/2019 09:58

I think dating in your 30s is hard. If you don't already have kids already men assume you're desperate for them and are super wary.

PlinkPlink · 30/08/2019 10:18

You have to super harsh and brutal on the dating apps and in the dating world.

What I mean is, by he time I'd found OH on a dating app, I'd reached a point where I was quite unforgiving with my rules. I just didnt want to waste my time with:
Unemployed and not looking for work guy
Constant use of drugs guy
Misogynistic viewpoints guy
Lack of sense of humour guy
Arrogance guy
Lack of communication skills guy
Racist guy
Sexist guy
Mentioning exes far too often guy

And gut instinct helped quite alot too with picking up red flags. It was easy to be harsh because I didnt owe them anything.

I'm not sure if it's different from before online dating but I would imagine dating apps make it easier for arseholes to achieve whatever weird dating goals they have with the less wise.

On the flip side perhaps the dating apps make it easier to pick out arseholes and move them aside so it seems like theres more but actually they're just more visible?

LonelyButterfly · 30/08/2019 10:26

Thank you all for your kind replies, it somehow feels comforting to know that one isn't alone in this mess!
before, i met guys who at least made an effort getting to know me and had the manners to communicate when they didn't feel the same.
Now it feels like hard work, starting over and over again getting to know someone, investing time, just to find out they are another flake. plus it takes a long time until you find someone you like and then it doesnt work out.

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