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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage struggles after having a baby

7 replies

Melrose86 · 29/08/2019 23:03

Sorry I am going to go on a bit of a rant here and I am an overly sensitive person so may be being unreasonable but after having a baby 5 months ago I am not feeling great about myself and I feel my husband is making this worse. I feel like he should have more respect and appreciation for me after having his baby but he shows me no respect. He has been unemployed for a long time though he is starting a new job soon but he shows no respect for the fact I pay for everything and also he doesn't drive so I am always driving him about and making the effort to take us on nice days out as a family. I had a difficult pregnancy and worked so hard during it to provide for us while he moaned about being tired despite being at home all day every day. The way he speaks to me sometimes isso rude and he will do things such as deliberately walk on ahead with the pram knowing I'm not as fit as I was so can't walk that fast! Or he moaned and moaned the other day cos I had to go to the toilet at the station and couldn't wait the 5 minutes til his friends house (harder to do I find after childbirth but he doesn't appreciate that). Everything we do is based around his schedule and God forbid he misses a gym session! He spoke to me horribly today as I was yet again driving him to the gym. Any time I try to explain my feelings since having the baby he shuts me down straight away. He says I am just moody but again doesn't appreciate this is due to hormones being all over the place! He should be my support system but is making me feel worse about myself. What can I do other than leave him? He is a great dad and when he is being nice to me (which is a lot of the time despite my rant) then he is a good husband but I feel so unappreciated

OP posts:
YobaOljazUwaque · 29/08/2019 23:13

You aren't being over sensitive or unreasonable. He is being a dick. Stop driving him to the gym for a start. Just stop.

I also wouldn't bother with paying for "nice family days out" - a 5 month old baby gets nothing out of a family day out anyway. Go out with a fellow mum of baby instead and split the costs equally.

Melrose86 · 29/08/2019 23:24

Thank you. I definitely need to stop the gym lifts. I just really do free things because the baby is so young such as parks. I do lots of coffee shop outings because cake makes me happy at the moment! Most of our outings are things that will make me feel better.

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Melrose86 · 29/08/2019 23:30

I thought men were meant to love and respect their partners more after a baby but sadly not the case for my husband

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Elieza · 29/08/2019 23:34

The unemployed dp has a gym membership? How’d he manage to pay for that on benefits? I work and I can’t even afford one!

You must have limited money just now and he’s prioritising himself looking good, I’d have thought the baby would be his priority.

You deserve better from him. It sounds like he is trying to live like he did before but he’s a dad now with a dc. And you’ve just had a baby and he needs to accept that your body is still changing back after pregnancy and that doesn’t happen overnight.

Stop ferrying him around. A nice healthy walk would be much better for him seeing as how he’s so keen on getting fit!!

I know you hanker for a family situation where he loves you and looks after you both. But is he capable of that? I hope his job goes well and he starts being more considerate if you and more respectful towards you as you deserve that. If he’s not pulling his weight you may be better off without him. But perhaps that’s something to consider further down the line after the job as that may change him?

Melrose86 · 29/08/2019 23:41

Thank you for your reply. I am hoping things will change once he is working. Being together almost all day every day doesn't help things I think. He does his share with the baby so I do get a bit of time to myself. He isn't on benefits by the way. He uses savings he has built up from over the years. He does pay for our weekly shop most weeks but I pay everything else. He did all the housework when I was working (not very well as his idea of cleaning properly is different to mine!) so he does help in some ways and I have a well paid job so money isn't an issue for me but just wish he would appreciate me more.

OP posts:
Elieza · 29/08/2019 23:45

That explains quite a lot! I’d wait and see how you get on once he’s working again. Hopefully things will improve then and the bit of distance between you while he’s at work could help. Good luck Smile

Melrose86 · 29/08/2019 23:49

Thank you Elieza

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