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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

32 single need advice

15 replies

clock87 · 29/08/2019 21:18

Hey ladies

I’m feel well and truly like giving up. I’ve been single since I was like 21. I’m sad anymore just frustrated I never really had a family and as time goes on the more and more it feels it won’t happen. I just honestly feel my guy just is not out there. I try to keep positive but dates cancel before they even happen, deep down it feels like the universe is just saying “time to give up you know this is just a lost cause” . I reached my limit today when a guy I planned to meet cancelled the date and then blocked me on WhatsApp I barely even spoke to him...am I that undeserving of a partner? Anyway my question is how do you know when it’s timd to just give up?

OP posts:

French189 · 29/08/2019 21:22

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I believe there is somebody out there for everyone, more than one person in fact.
OLD can be very fickle and I have also experienced the ghosting right before dates and such.
I don't have a lot to offer outside of the usual advice such as broadening your horizons. It might involve waiting a little longer but it will happen in time.

Pinkbonbon · 29/08/2019 21:35

Could there be some underlying reason why they cancel out of the blue? Eg: do you have an ex or a 'friend' that you are mentioning these ppl too that could be going behind your back and messaging them something off putting?

Not that it doesn't just happen of course. I was meant to have a date one day last year n the guy was late so I went on to message him to and saw his profile had vanished. I did some digging n found his fb out a curiosity (sleuth mode) and turned out he had a gf! I think he only wanted one thing where as I'd suggested a date n obviously he felt that wasn't worth it for the risk.

I'm 30 and haven't even particularly liked anyone in 4 or 5 years. I stopped dating last year as I hate it. F*ck it. I don't want kids though so guess its OK.

Look at it this way though, you could be around another 60 years so there isn't really a time to give up of finding love. Or at least 'quite like' lol.

Original poster

clock87 · 29/08/2019 21:42

Nope I don’t mention any exes...it’s just exhausting feeling like that I’m that unlucky you know? Fact is I do want a family of my own it’s importsnt to me it just feels impossible

OP posts:

Belles22 · 29/08/2019 21:46

Been there and done that for 7 years it's a horrible feeling to feel unwanted. just hang in there as they say Mr Right will come along when you least expect it

Winter2019 · 29/08/2019 21:49

Sometimes, just when you give up, things happen.. Fingers crossed! You still got time but I can imagine it is so frustrating. Have you thought about freezing your eggs if family is something you really wish for?

crappyday2018 · 29/08/2019 21:50

OLD is like this I'm afraid. Its happened to me a few times too. I get a date cancelled (always at the last minute) and then sometimes blocked for no reason. I reckon the ones who block aren't single and had no intention of meeting you, just wanted an ego boost.
My advice is to leave it all for a while. Stop trying to find someone and give the apps a rest for a few months. When OLD gets depressing for me, I delete all the apps for a while.

Original poster

clock87 · 29/08/2019 21:51

I doubt I could afford it

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 29/08/2019 22:01

Plenty of ppl having kids well into their forties these days so don't lose hope.

Think when I'm a bit older I might look into fostering older kids. Figure if I foster or adopt around 6 kids ages 11-15ish (two or three at a time) then in less than 20 years - I have 6 kids...maybe 4 cause you gotta figure 2 will hate you xD fast track family lol. That's the vague plan anyway. Feel free to attempt it before me lol.

KellyHall · 29/08/2019 22:07

Most men turn out to be arseholes in one way or another, at least you're finding out which ones are before you've invested much time!

If you really want a family, start planning one. You don't need a man to have a baby, just some sperm ;) And there are lots of positives to being a single parent, like not arguing about how to bring them up (or anything in fact!)

Diamjen · 30/08/2019 00:34

Most men turn out to be arseholes in one way or another

maximumcarnage · 30/08/2019 03:53

Most men are assholes? Yikes and I thought I was Mister Jaded

As for the OP. Be a touch hypercritical for me to comment when I’ve given up on women in terms of a meaningful relationship. BUT you are still young in the broad scheme of things. Online dating is a bit cut throat whereby many treat it in much the same way as a fast food drive through. Quick gratification and disposable. Which kind of reflects our lifestyles.

You don’t need, and I sound like a raving feminist here, God’s help me, a man to be happy. I think you should just focus on the things you love and enjoy. Be it travelling the world, strumming a guitar or carving blocks of wood with a chainsaw to make whimsical animals sculptures.

I suspect when like minded guys cross paths with you enjoying life and being passionate about the things that matter to you, they’ll be keen to get closer to you. Failing all that, there’s cake.

noweddingforme · 30/08/2019 05:37

You’ve still got plenty of time on your side - have you tried single holidays - not to meet someone just to change things up & have an experience! Take a break from OLD for day 6 months and really concentrate on other things, things happen when you least expect them x

TwoCanPlayAtThatGame · 30/08/2019 05:41

Ok.

This might sound brutal but if you are actively dating and this happens a lot; that men cancel before even meeting you then there is a reason for that.

I'm assuming these are men you've met on dating sites?

Can you have a friend review your profile and see how it reads to other people?

Are you a good conversationalist? Are your interactions via message engaging?

Do you message often enough to keep their interest?

Are you positive in your interactions?

I'm trying to think of things that used to put me off men when I was online dating and the reasons I'd lose interest before having even met them.

As you're young and child free, how are you spending your free time? What do you do in the evenings? What hobbies do you have? Do you meet people through those? Are you a proactive 'fuck it!' sort of a person or do you hold back and wait to see what happens?

Personally, I think online dating is the worst way to meet someone and unless you and your interests are very 'mainstream' then you dont really stand chance.

FuriousVexation · 30/08/2019 06:11

The sad truth is that there isn't someone for everyone, and lots of people either settle for a less than satisfying marriage, or live their lives alone.

I adopted my son and have accepted that I'll be alone, partner-wise, for the rest of my days.

It's a lot more rewarding and less hassle than trying to compromise on every fucking thing in the household.

Scott72 · 30/08/2019 08:33

Most men turn out to be arseholes in one way or another :~

Reading this forum you get the impression most men are unfit to be husbands or fathers. Of course that could just be selection bias.

But anyhow many people find OLD to be more hassle than its worth. Nothing wrong with that, but then you'll have to join social groups and cultivate a wider circle of friends and acquaintances. And if you're not exaggerating and most of your dates really are cancelling or not showing up, then you probably need to examine who are you choosing.

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