Met an amazing guy, now he's leaving

[French189]

I have only been seeing him for a month, and he's leaving on Monday. He's got a year visa but has no idea in reality how long he will be gone for, but says he is definitely coming back here.
He is potentially the nicest guy I have ever dated, and he doesn't realise how nice he is.
He always makes time for me, he's affectionate, sweet, attentive and makes an effort with dates.
He is happy to go on dates that don't always involve sex and seems to genuinely like me, and has told me so.

We have only had 8 dates so I know I don't even know him all that well and it's very early days.
He says he wants to stay in contact with me whilst out there and see me when he gets back.
I have the money to go and have a short holiday there but I am not in any position whatsoever to go and live over there.

I'm seeing him tomorrow for the last time. I need to be realistic; i'm happy for him, as much as i'd love him to tell me he's back in a couple of months, I have no idea what will happen.
I've said to him let's just see how things go and that we need to be realistic.
I'm pretty gutted but I guess it's life.

I would let him know that you think he is really great and that you are very sorry he is leaving. And then leave it at that and if it is meant to be, then it will be. Keep in touch but don't stress about it.

Yes good advice from sonjadog. I feel for you OP, this is very familiar. Ultimately though you can’t put your life on hold for an uncertain future. If he’s going away for a while he clearly isn’t feeling settled so you need to let him have his time and maybe he will come back quite soon. But maybe he won’t, so just keep an open mind. Good luck :-(

Thank you x

I could have written your post OP.
I had a fling with someone at the start of the year, it lasted about 6 weeks before he moved abroad. I was and still am gutted that he had to leave.

We are still in touch but he won't be coming back and every other man I meet never excites me because its not 'him'.
I have no advice, it's shit and I hope you can move on when he goes, I haven't been able to and it sucks.

From the dating thread...

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

@Singlemumdownsouth im sorry to hear :( which country has he gone to ? Is there any way you could go visit or meet each other elsewhere ? If youre still in touch that's a great sign, I hope you can work things out one way or another x

No, it's done. I have to accept it and move on.
I hope your situation ends well xx

Well, I would think a year is do-able. If you keep in touch by skype, facetime, etc and visit each other if possible, a year isn't too bad. How old is he, op? Is he likely to want to continue a 'relationship' with you or does he want to date other women whilst away? I guess I'm asking his age as I assume if he's older he might be more inclined to make a go of it with you?

Thank you. Well it's a maximum of a year but he says it could be as little as 2 months, really no idea.
Id be able to go visit him out there once, too.
He is 27 and i'm 28. Seeing him for the last time tonight so we need to talk about what will happen next..

This happened to me OP. I quit my job and went with.

Life's too short for what if's imo. You're young, it'd be an adventure, why not ask how he feels about it?

@Bunglefromrainbow that's lovely. Do you still live there now ?
I wish I could, but i've just got a new job and flat here, literally signed for a flat 2 weeks ago, and I was living abroad myself until 9 months ago.
I'm also in no financial position to do so, but i've enough money to go over xmas. I will see if he stays in touch and what his plans are, and then mention going at xmas if he's still out there.

Do it, go and see him - we had something similar that had been arranged and there was no way I was going to hold DP back by trying to prevent them going on an adventure... we got engaged when I went to visit that Christmas and have been married for the best part of twenty years.

We say that was the first of our many adventures and now we have three lovely children that we drag along with us.

Let him know how you feel... the time will fly and absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder (plus the... ahem, fireworks when you finally get hold of each other again )

Keep in touch but don’t put your life on hold for him. Keep dating. Things may have naturally fizzled out if you’d carried on seeing him - it’s very early days.