Need advice on what to do

[Pleasehelpme19]

Hi, I need some advice on what to do because I can’t keep carrying on living like I am. I’ve been with a my stbx for 10 years now and I still can’t seem to get him gone He has emotionally and mentally crushed me and I won’t be able to get better until he’s gone. He’s agreed to go but this was back in January and he’s still here.

He wants his own place but it’s taking forever for him to save up for his own place eg deposit and stuff. There is something every single month that comes up and we can’t save the money up. He refuses to move in with his parents.
Please don’t think this is a begging thread for money because it’s not. I don’t want anyone’s money, I just need advice. Is there anywhere I can go to apply for financial help to get him in to his own place ASAP?

In the meantime he’s continuing to be emotionally abusive and every day that he’s still here I become more and more close to just ending my life because of him. But I’ve got to carry on for my children, who he also treats like shit.

What can I do??

He won't leave. Could you get him out of the house and get the locks changed while he's out or something?
Sorry Pleasehelpme, I'm bumping you. please stay strong.
Hugs.

Can you leave? Are you working? What exactly is the living arrangement?

I agree he is not going anywhere. If he owns the house with you then I don't think you can just change the locks.

Get legal advice. Don't end your life over an abusive man. Your life will be better with him out of it. You need to think beyond the current living arrangements.

He won't leave. He has no reason to leave. You have to stop trying to help him and focus on the welfare of you and your kids only.

Another agreeing that he won't leave.

Don't waste another second thinking that he might if you just explain it to him properly. This man is not your friend.

Whose house is it?

It’s a council property so luckily doesn’t belong to him.

Is he on the tenancy?

Since it's not his property, wait until he leaves and change the locks. He can go to his parents.

Are you married? Is the home in your name?

justwonderingifi Yes he’s the lead tenant.
I feel too scared to change the locks and lock him out. I wish he would just go to his parents’ house.

No not married thankfully.

Have you tried to get your own house?

I’m thinking of leaving myself but I don’t think my parents will be happy to have us to be honest. They’ll be asking why he hasn’t left instead.

Could you stay just temporarily with your parents and quickly find your own place? Explain to them that he doesn't have to leave because the house is in his name. I would do whatever it takes to get out of there and away from his abuse. That must be awful for your children.

Would your parents not understand if you explained to them the way you have to us? That you can't make him leave and he's destroying you and DC while you're stuck there? I would have my DC out of there like a shot if they told me that.

Yes I think I’m going to just have to pluck up the courage and talk to them. It’s mainly my dad’s wife/stepmum wouldn’t like it I think, because the last time I lived there back in 2012 (in between house moves) she didn’t like it. I understand that I really do, and I don’t want to cause any trouble for her and my dad.
My mum has 4 big dogs and I’m really not confident about being around them with my children especially when they don’t know us that well, so my mum’s is really out of the question. It’s a pity really because I know she’d have us.

He’s dragging his heals cos he knows he can. You need to be the one to leave I’m afraid. It’s already affecting your mental health. When you’re raising kids that can’t happen. Speak to your dad, explain everything and I’m sure he’ll be happy to support you.

How are you today? Have you been to speak to someone about your rights regarding the house?

Hope you are ok.

Hi op, I'm not sure how your council works, but if I had a joint tenancy I wouldn't be able to force my other half out. I once considered putting my OH on the rent book, but the housing told me that if we split and neither of us agreed to give up the tenancy, we would both have to go. So I'm not really sure you could just change the locks?

Abusers like to get us to feel like we are in the brink of getting what we need (freedom/kindness/relief whatever) and then whip that carpet our from under us. It's a way they use to crush our spirits.

You do need to go unfortunately. I dunno if you would be able to take over the tenancy if the lead move out anyway? ...I bet he knows though and is just saving that up for the next kick.

Make sure you have your own bank account he can't access and before you go, sell anything you can't take with you that he won't miss.

Don't tell him you are leaving, or the kids either if possible as he will try to sabotage. Bevause him not wanting to leave isny just laziness, its not wanting tobleave a situation where he is in control. So he wount want that situation to change.

Just get ready little by little and when you know he will be gone for the day or a good while, get yourselves out.

Speak to women's aid if you can, they might be able to give some useful advice.

You can get an occupancy order, due to DA. It means he has to leave because of the harm he is causing to you both.

He sounds like an abusive cock-lodger, and needs gone, for all your sakes.

You might not want to ruffle feathers by doing it legally like this, but it does sound like its the only way.

He's not leaving otherwise.

Do let police know whats been happening, and call WA who can put you in touch with agencies locally to help and advise.

You don't know what he might do if he was forced out like this, so authorities need to be aware. You and your family should not have to make yourselves homeless just so you can live abuse-free lives.