Feeling a bit down about this today.

[BodyUnpositive]

Had a bit of a shit epiphany this morning.

Been single for many years, apart from a couple of flings here and there.

For many of those years, I've worked on myself and, whilst being hopeful of meeting someone, it's not really been a priority. I've believed that I'd meet someone when the time was right.

There are still improvements to be made but, on the whole, my life looks as much as I want it to as it can do. I have a hobby that takes me out of the house 3 nights a week, I'm busy with a teenage child, I work, manage the house on my own and all the usual stuff. My hobby is a very sociable one and I'm meeting new people all the time - men and women - and I'm really enjoying it.

For the last 6 months, and for the first time in my life, I'm actually happy to be single, enjoying it and have no desire to meet anyone and have actually shut down two men who showed interest.

I've been feeling really proud of myself for being at a point where I'm truly happy on my own, I've got hobbies, friends, I enjoy my own company - it's actually great and I'm really content.

But...

After a completely innocuous conversation I had with a friend last night, I've woken up this morning with a bit of a realisation.

I think all of the above is a bit of a mask for the fact that, whilst everything is great, the bottom line is that I feel too fat and too ugly for a relationship. I don't believe that anyone could or would find me attractive so it's easier to say to people that I just don't have time for a relationship when, I think it would be more accurate to say that I've filled my life with so much as a distraction and so that I don't ever have time to feel lonely.

I think the turning point was this conversation touched on the idea of me having a FWB just for the sex but, whilst I was agreeing and saying I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without sex, but I could imagine it without a relationship, the sad thing is that my appearance would also put me off that too.

I could probably lose a stone, I go to the gym, I eat well, I dress well and look after myself. I don't think I could improve any more on what I already have.

I just feel a bit down because I was feeling so proud of myself for getting to this point and I don't think I'm being honest with myself.

Don't really know what I want from this thread - I'm just feeling a bit down about it today, tbh.

As shallow as this sounds, could getting a new haircut or changing your hair color give you a little pick me up? When I'm unhappy about my appearance (and that's often) changing it up with my hair normally gives me the bounce and spring in my step that I need.

And perhaps maybe som confidence coaching on your body issues too?

I'm carrying a little extra weight from having kids and know I'd be embarrassed for anyone to see me naked. But when I really think hard about what I find attractive in other people - it's their personality more so than their bodies.

I didn't want to read and run

Switch off, wait ten seconds, switch on. Reboot. You just need to adjust to your new thought.

Your position isn’t failure, it’s success. You’ve built a good life. Now you want more, to be even more fabulous and to actively seek a sex life. That’s not wrong. It’s a great place to be. Go forward, enjoy.

Ah the little inner voice that says you’re not good enough. It’s lying.

You know very well that people find people attractive, it’s not just a type or there’d be no married fat people.

Find an affirmation, say it, believe it.

Lose weight if you want, change your hair, do whatever, but it’s the thing between your ears that makes the biggest difference.

Your life sounds great to me. 💐

You are not fat and you are not ugly.
You have already rejected people who have come on to you so you absolutely cannot be that bad.
You may still need to do some more work on yourself.
I could do with losing 1 & 1/2 stone.
But.... I'm quite happy as I am.
OK to have sex and not feel embarrassed.
People need to accept you as you are.
A bit overweight does not equal FAT!!!!!
Get out there and sod the bit of extra weight.
Any man would be lucky to have you!

I feel too fat and ugly for a relationship

You have not worked on yourself enough I'm afraid.
Low self esteem is a hard one to overcome.

This is what you need to work on. Because until you see the beauty in yourself, you will never be truly happy in yourself. It will put up a barrier or send out signals to those types that like to prey on low self esteem.

You don't necessarily have to lose weight. Thats entirely up to you. It gave me a confidence boost and I prefer my body when I'm fit and healthy. I feel better, my mood is better, my skin is better, my muscles are toned. But I was equally beautiful when I was 20lbs overweight.

When I look in the mirror, I have to shove out negative thoughts. I could entirely focus on all the bits I hate. I have a weird area on my hips where fat accumulates. Same goes for my stomach. I have stretched skin from pregnancy. Shrink marks. I have scars from acne on my face. My thighs have cellulite....... I could go on.

But instead, I look in the mirror and look at the positive stuff. The things I like.

I have unique eyes. My eyebrows are a decent shape and thickness. I have lovely black/brown hair. I have a beautiful decolletage area. I've lost loads of weight from my stomach and can see some definition now. I have a lovely peachy bum (thanks squats). I'm generally in proportion. I'm tall... I'm not bragging here but what I'm saying here is, I pick out the features I like. I focus on them.

You also need to see that the exterior beauty is not the whole picture. What about your personality? Your friends like you for a reason. You obviously get on with people which probably means you're warm and welcoming. Do you have any hobbies? What drives you? What interests you? What makes you you?

Start thinking about these things and you will see that you are so unique, you are beautiful and you are worth loving. Be proud of you and your accomplishments. Because if you can't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

I'm sure you're more attractive than you realise, and you've built a great life for yourself. I'm sure you could have a mutually fulfilling relationship and sex life with others. Everyone has some level of self-criticism and insecurity, you're not alone, and you can be victorious over negative or self-damaging thinking. Also if you want to lose fat, resolve with a strong will to do it, all you need is a calorie deficit and patience. A few weeks/months of consistent effort and it'll drop off you.

A stone overweight is nothing. It's just a couple of extra ounces on each part of you.

And you're not ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the whatsit and all, what's ugly to one is lovely to another. And, to be honest, most men are so happy that a woman is willing to be naked in their presence that they don't take much notice of lumps, bumps and odd shapes.

Think of the thing you are best at. Think of how bloody awesome you are at it and (secretly) how much better you are at it than a lot of of others. Keep thinking of that. It gives you an aura that you will carry with you.

Body honestly? Maybe take off that hair shirt. Most blokes in the age group you are looking at won't be perfect. I was 52 when I met DH online. I'm a bit of a chubster, but reasonably attractive. He is too, so all worked out fine. Don't give up hope.

And when I say chubster, I mean more than a stone...