It's over

[Kerry197878]

I have been in a relationship for 5 years which has recently ended once again we have a 2 year old son and I have a teenager from a previous relationship.
My partner now ex is quite hyper and smokes a lot of cannibus around £130 per week he also is becoming a gambler with online accounts .. he works and gives me a set amount each week .. I also work full time ... he's very vocal and always says what he feels even if it causes upset to others .. he usually gets on with my teenage son but moans a lot about minimal things such as for example leaving a petrol can in the middle of the garden after the grass had been cut .. his moans turn into mamouth arguments and if I don't agree with him he just calls me dumb down and gets very insulting often Calls me fat in argument and says he wants a fit woman etc .. in the past in arguments he has said some awful things to me but say to day he's a good man .... but find him draining and hard work .. he's 39 I'm 44 .
We have split up loads of times and we always get back together .... because I am soft and feel for the two year old as he is a good dad and very involved with his son ( he has no other children )
He has a bad child hood and when he feels cornered he goes into defensive moad and is explosive with his words

This evident in past relationships and also his own family ....

He can be so loving caring giving most of the time it's just so hard ...but I can't keep going round in circles and more so for the sake of the kids

Any advice or anyone enduring the same form of relationship

People aren't posting OP because this is such a no-brainer!!!
End it.
Do it properly.
He will keep dragging you down.
His abuse of you is awful.
Get some support from Womens Aid.
Get your poor DS out of this environment asap.
You are 39 - you know better than to stay with this addict.
Drugs and gambling.
Jeez. End it and check your credit score!!!

I know you are conflicted but to me as a dispassionate outsider he sounds absolutely loathsome. He may have some good points but his bad points are monstrous. This seems to be a common problem for people trying to break out of unhealthy relationships, the old angst of "but most of the time he's ok" or "but he's such a good dad" etc. I expect even Hitler and Stalin had their good points but so what?

You have tried several times to make this work and it clearly isn't going to. He won't change and you shouldn't have to resign yourself to a life with someone like that. Stay strong and focus on all his bad points to keep you from weakening.

Thanks for replies ... I know it's the right things to do and he has been texting me saying I don't sort issues out and that's why he gets so angry ... these issues are not massive and I believe it just gets to much for him ..... he is detaching now and good or bad relationship it still hurts as I do love him but know I won't go back there

We have a holiday booked and went half each 800 , he also owes me 950 which I have lent him .. I've told him I won't go with him now and he expects me just to lose the holiday

What would you all do .. it will cost me 50 for a name change and I can take my other teenager

Name change take your teenager...be free.

You can do it. I've been there and seperated and just starting to appreciate my freedom. It is hard sometimes but the freedom and peace make up for it. Find some real life support. It really helps. Your kids will he happier too