Men who kill their partners “follow eight-stage pattern”

[Cattenberg]

I don’t know if this finding needs to be confirmed by further research, but I think everyone should read this. If you’re ever in an abusive or controlling relationship, or are being stalked, knowing this pattern might save your life.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49481998

fascinating could save someone thanks for posting x

Hmmmm
Ex DH

1. A pre-relationship history of stalking or abuse by the perpetrator

Don't think so

1. The romance developing quickly into a serious relationship

First kiss and he said he was in love with me (though we had been living under one roof as flat mates for 6 months so probably fair)

1. The relationship becoming dominated by coercive control

Definitely

1. A trigger to threaten the perpetrator's control - for example, the relationship ends or the perpetrator gets into financial difficulty

Heart attack, wife working away from home, job loss and now that separated, not financially supporting him anymore

1. Escalation - an increase in the intensity or frequency of the partner's control tactics, such as by stalking or threatening suicide

Oh, the stalking! Two years, constant accusations, hidden cameras, clock watching, phone call after phone call, walking on eggshells

1. The perpetrator has a change in thinking - choosing to move on, either through revenge or by homicide

Sometimes he says he's moving on and shows sudden, calm acceptance of the breakup though generally, we are just both grieving.

1. Planning - the perpetrator might buy weapons or seek opportunities to get the victim alone

Never

So, according to this, my ex was at Stage 6 when I left him though he was only slightly controlling/jealous prior to serious MH (DDJ) issues.

I wonder how many people rate highly in the 8 stages but never lift a finger on their partner? I don't feel unsafe around my ex at all though I am cautious for obvious reasons.

Looking at that I was at probably stage 7.
That timeline makes complete sense and is scarily accurate.
If all authorities adopted this scale so much more support and help could be given, things could be taken seriously.

My understanding the scale is unfortunately in hindsight, now I'm in a better safer place.
Maybe if I'd seen it in black and white at the time I could have got out sooner

Got to last stage, fortunately for me, I survived

Reached escalation stage with my ex, the previous steps all happened too. He was fantastic for about a month then he started to coercively control, manipulate and bully me but I had no idea because he was extremely intelligent and subtle. He could put you down but make it seem like a joke or a throwaway comment. Escalation stage happened when I finally split up with him. He stalked me for six months before assaulting me in broad daylight on a busy street. Nobody stepped in to help, I called the police once I got home and they weren’t much help either. He admitted to it but because they didn’t deem the assault ‘severe enough’ there was nothing they could do (I think what this meant was he hadn’t left a mark). He already had a criminal record, I had no idea.

It got to stage 8 for me, with a crowbar to my head. Someone saw and called the police and I was saved. He didn't even get charged because they said they had no proof it was him.

I'm presently a goodly stage 6.
He's happily occupied "revenging" through family court atm.

When he no longer has that outlet, I expect there's a 50/50 chance we progress to stage 7. On his language and behaviour, I'm quite sure we were there already before family court gave him a temporary outlet and he reverted to "6". 🤷‍♀️

no shit sherlock was my first thought...