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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mixed messages and dumped! Why?

16 replies

PuffinSock · 28/08/2019 22:24

I've been seeing a guy for a few months. He has spent a lot of time being sweet, told me he finds me beautiful, wonderful, I make him so happy, beautiful inside, so rare etc commented on how he will always think of me to certain songs we like etc.

He stayed over every weekend or I saw him at his place (divorced). So we were chatting by text and I asked if he saw us as being in a relationship. He said hes in love with me but is in a long distance relationship with someone else so only wants to see me as a friend.

I told him a dont want to see him anymore, but really gutted hes done this. Nothing had happened/changed, just last week he was telling me how much he missed me, how happy I make him etc. Why would someone do this? For sex? Ego? It feels really cruel, I'm pretty vulnerable and he knew that. I get the impression that if I was happy to then he would keep on seeing me, plus the other woman Hmm

OP posts:
KOKOtiltomorrow · 28/08/2019 22:25

Why??? Cos he’s a dick.

LordNibbler · 28/08/2019 22:28

It's called having your cake and eating it.
I wonder if the other poor cow he's seeing knows he has 'friends'.

PuffinSock · 28/08/2019 22:31

@LordNibbler yes I thought that. It all seemed so sincere...I guess he probably was fond of me but didnt want commitment if hes able to have multiple women on the go Sad

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Holymoly0 · 28/08/2019 22:33

What a prick!

AsleepAllDay · 28/08/2019 22:36

Sounds like a two timer and a double crosser, if he was with you and in a long distance relationship at the same time. Do you want that for yourself? Leave him to it

Rachelover40 · 28/08/2019 22:39

It's sad for you, PuffinSock, but you have done the right thing in binning him.

For all you know, he may be feeling sad and missing you now, wishing he hadn't lost you. Both of you can learn from the experience.

Remember the good times you had together but please move on and enjoy your life.

Wine
Diamjen · 28/08/2019 22:39

Wow what a twat! The answer is he's an immature, childish prick.
This is so hurtful and you must be really upset.
Just delete his number, that is the best advice I can give. If you feel like contacting him for answers just remember you won't get any.
Be kind to yourself x

Diamjen · 28/08/2019 22:41

Jesus don't dwell on the good times you had together Confused

Just accept he's a prick and do not think of the amazing wonderful time you spent with one another!

BumbleBeee69 · 28/08/2019 22:45

He enjoys the Sex on tap, without any commitment. Did you know he was in a LDR when you started seeing him ? Hmm

PuffinSock · 28/08/2019 22:46

Honestly I dont understand...how can you claim to love someone but at the same time say you want to be friends as you have another woman who you're going to commit to...I guess I got off lightly.

I must not respond if he contacts me again. No more lies Sad

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PuffinSock · 28/08/2019 22:47

@BumbleBeee69 no I didnt know he had a long distance relationship. I do now...

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CloudyWithAChance2 · 28/08/2019 22:50

I must not respond if he contacts me again. No more lies

Unfortunately, I think you will respond if he texts again because you clearly have strong feelings for him. And round and round we go unless you meet someone else which you need to do.

PuffinSock · 28/08/2019 22:56

@CloudyWithAChance2 I think there is a risk that I will respond but I'm trying to see what he has done - ie encourage me to fall in love and get attached but then refuse any commitment. He got involved with me as he was being kind and helping me with a death in the family which I was heartbroken about. That's why it feels particularly cruel.

OP posts:
CloudyWithAChance2 · 28/08/2019 23:01

I think there is a risk that I will respond but I'm trying to see what he has done - ie encourage me to fall in love and get attached but then refuse any commitment. He got involved with me as he was being kind and helping me with a death in the family which I was heartbroken about. That's why it feels particularly cruel

Yeah it really sucks and I feel for you.
The answer you really want (why he has done this) none of us can answer, only he can. I just hope you won’t be a mug and get drawn in again only to be spat out again.

Techway · 28/08/2019 23:07

I am sorry as he seems a player.

When you described how flowery he was I immediately thought lovebombing..I think there is a type of man who loves the chase, feeling he has got you and then switches.

Painful as it is hopefully it will help you spot similar characters. Delete his number.

fandabbyfannyflutters · 28/08/2019 23:10

How many times have you posted this now?

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