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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling violated (possibly triggering)

4 replies

NuclearBricaBrac · 28/08/2019 20:33

I've tried googling this but I've drawn a blank. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced similar feelings.

After a sexual relationship with somebody, whether it's long-term, short-term or a ONS, I suffer horribly with feelings of violation. For example, I ended a two month relationship with somebody at the beginning of the year and feel sick, disgusted, dirty, panicked and violated at the memory of him touching me sexually. He was a bit odd and intense but generally okay, and everything we did was consensual.

I know that the root of this almost certainly lies in a history of sexual abuse. There was some sexual abuse in my childhood and two of my long-term boyfriends raped me.

I'm quite a sexual person and for the most part enjoy having sex. I don't experience these feelings while I'm with a partner, only weeks/months after a separation. It frightens me that I feel violated by sexual partners who have done nothing wrong and I worry I'm going to feel this way about everybody I sleep with, including my current partner.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Over the years I've spoken to Rape Crisis, done the Freedom Programme and had therapy. I can't get the memory of my boyfriend before last having (consensual) sex with me...it makes me want to scrub myself over and over until I'm clean and then cry and cry. I feel ridiculous.

OP posts:
MissFloof · 28/08/2019 21:11

I understand how you are feeling. I feel the same way. I was groomed when I was under 10, repeatedly raped by my "boyfriend" at 15 and had a stalker and abuser at 17 and then a shitty boyfriend who gave me ptsd at 18 till 19.
I feel disgusted with myself when sleeping with my current boyfriend, who I;ve had a child with. I hate myself afterwards.

You are not ridiculous, and you are not alone. Keep getting help. hopefully we will both get there and be comfortable again.
best of luck x

NuclearBricaBrac · 28/08/2019 23:07

Thank you. I feel like I’m constantly firefighting the things that have happened to me, but I’m never quite able to extinguish any of it. I just want my actual life to begin, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Musti · 28/08/2019 23:25

Could it be PTSD op?

kristallen · 28/08/2019 23:27

Have you done any trauma therapy? EMDR has helped me with really hard physical sensations.

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