Is it possible to make an 'information only' report to the police?

[Paulettepink]

I've reported my ex for domestic abuse. To say the police haven't been particularly helpful is an understatement. I've told them everything, other than the fact he raped me. Possibly more than once
If I include the 'grey' area of conditional consent. The reason I have kept quiet about this is because I have been raped before (more than once. To my shame I am a repeat victim) and I reported to the police each time and got nowhere. So I can't say anything this time. I have no proof. But I know he was arrested for sexual assault before he met me. So I kind of feel like it needs to be on record somewhere. But I can't report rape as I will make myself totally unbelievable with regards to everything else he has done. Can it be reported anonymously? Or can it be 'unofficially' reported? Or do I just need to stop over thinking?

It's not your shame op. The shame belongs only to the rapists.🌷

Thank you, can't help but feel ashamed of myself. More so for going to the police I think. It will look like I'm making it up to get back at him or something

Firstly, I'm so sorry for what you have been through, and the emotional trauma you continue to go through because of it. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you are getting some professional support? If not, will you look into it? You deserve it, and sounds like you need it if you are carrying shame that you do not deserve to be carrying.

Secondly, my thoughts are rape victims should always report it. But life isn't always like the movies and justice isnt always served and it doesn't always work out for the best, and along the way it can being further emotional trauma.

Finally, if you report an offence to the police, they are under an obligation (due to home office rules) to record it. Once it is recorded, there is every chance, with something so serious, that it will be pursued, even if you do not wish to go ahead with it. It might not be, but it could be.

My advice is don't feel you have to make this decision immediately, it might need to be part of your healing process. Have you spoken to Women's Aid? They would be able to advise I'm sure.

The best of luck to you. Please seek out help. You deserve it xx

Hi Op I could have written this post myself as I am in a very similar situation I’m sorry you are going through this utter hell. The police in my case were utterly useless and I did not report the sexual assault side as I couldn’t be faced with the idea they would think I was making it up or the fact that as yourself this would not be the first time I had reported sexual assault. I keep going back to the first time I reported it (different male) and I know honestly I couldn’t go through that again but that my own feelings. But please just do what you feel most comfortable with, don’t beat yourself up for not reporting it (I couldn’t do it!!!) and also don’t feel awful for reporting it if you do. Sorry this is all a bit jumbled but I hope you know what I mean.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. But please understand the shame you feel is ALL his and not yours. You’ve done nothing wrong and the police should believe you.

Thank you everyone. I'm so scared that even if the police believe me (which they might as he is a nasty piece of work) that the CPS would decide that it weakens my credibility as a witness because of how a jury would view me. And then he might end up getting away with everything else as well because they think that I am a liar. So I'm actually better off not saying anything, if that makes sense?

Why would they think you’re a liar?

I'm just worried how it looks to people, to report the same thing again. Also given that the police have been pretty much useless so far, I'm worried how it would look if I suddenly reported something so serious. Not sure if I'm making any sense

Why not get in touch with rape crisis? They will talk you through your options and provide you with support if you want to make a complaint. They are their to help you. They won’t judge.

www.rapecrisis.org.uk

It's absolutely not your shame. I hope you do find the strength to report everything he has done to you.

I agree with the previous poster about contacting rape crisis. This is what they are there for.

Look after yourself.

OP have the police assigned you an idva (independent domestic violence advocate)? Please talk to them, they are usually employed by witness care/victim support our the local police and crime commissioner, they are not police officers, these are the best people to talk to about your fears, they won't pressure you to report but will talk through your options and can refer you for support. They will support you through the court process too. If you haven't been given their details please ask your officer in charge for their information.

No, I haven't been assigned an idva. The domestic abuse team haven't even spoken to me. They don't seem to be doing anything much at all tbh. Other than thinking up ways to dismiss what I have reported so they can do as little as possible