Annoying MIL!!!!

[lilcreed]

I have just bought a house with my partner. His Mum and I have always had a rocky relationship. In my opinion, she is a nasty manipulative and controlling woman who emotionally blackmails my boyfriend all the time.

We have just done work on the house and she keeps bringing her friends to show them the house. I am fine with this, however when she gives them a tour she says ‘this is HIS garden, this is HIS bedroom, this is HIS utility room, HE is going to do this and that.. etc’.

I saved up half of my money too to own OUR place and it is actually ME who is paying the mortgage on it. I tolerated it the first time, but now I just walk away to another room because I can’t bear to listen. I feel she is doing it on purpose. I’ve mentioned this to my boyfriend who apparently spoke to her, but she still continues. The problem is that everytime she does/ says something , I vent to my boyfriend and then this causes an argument between us. I don’t want her to get the better of us. What can I do to address this?

Stop allowing her visit to YOUR house with her friends!

Why on earth do you allow her to show her friends round your house. That is a bit weird. Put a stop to it.

If you genuinely don't mind strangers rooting around your home then go ahead of her saying loudly this is OUR living room/kitchen/study etc.

Make sure you get a financial agreement with boyfriend. You are paying the mortgage on your own? Red flag!!!! Get him to pay half. Whose name is the mortgage in? Yours alone or both of you? Sort the payments out and say No to his Mum coming round. Say it’s not convenient and your partner should support you in this and pay up. Is he a wuss?

Why is he not contributing to the mortgage?

Hi. I think you keep posting about this over and over. You always get the same response. I’m really sorry that you’re stuck in this relationship but the advice isn’t going to change.

He’s not contributing as he’s paid for us to do the house up. When we settle in properly the mortgage will be going to a joint account. X

Your partner needs to stop telling his Mum your financial affairs. If she has a key, get it back. Stop the guided tours. She is trying to goad you in front of her friends so she can say ‘I told you so.’ And then cry to her son how terrible you are. Also go low or no contact with her. Your partner can spend time with her but you don’t have to!

She’s bringing round her mates? And you’re letting her?! Why?

When she shows up next with her mates tell her & them that they're having a laugh, they've taken the wrong turn for the stately home open day. Then don't let them in. Tell her next time she wants you visit you both at YOUR house she can text to see if it's convenient. But that it isn't now. If by any awful chance she actually has a key then change the locks.
You'll get nowhere with skirting around things with someone like this. If your DP objects tell him when she's reimbursed you for all the money YOU'VE paid for the house & your name's off the mortgage & deeds she can dictate & act like she owns it to her hearts content because you'll have set yourself very comfortably in your own place & wont give 2 fucks.

She is continuing to say this because she knows it annoys you. Stop criticizing her to your partner. Keep your contact short and perfunctory. Let things slide off you. When she knows you don’t care, her comments will stop.

No more bringing mates round. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.

She sees her son as extension of herself rather than a being in his own right, who’s in a successful partnership. He should feel as sad about that as you do. It shouldn’t cause arguments.

she will treat you just the same when kids come along. They’ll be HER grandchildren. You’ll just be the carrier.

That would piss me off too. My husband and I run a v successful business, work equal hours. My MIL constantly refers to 'his work 'his business' 'his clients' pisses me off.

Easy - follow her around and correct her every time.
This is HIS bedroom - No MIL this is OUR bedroom.
Same with all the others.
And the odd - Oh yeah, because HE pays the mortgage - NOT!!!
Stop her in her tracks.

It sounds like your partner is protective of your MIL. Mine was the same when I kept bringing up issues between me and the MIL, he kept denying there was any issues and that I was the one who was being 'unreasonable'. You need to stand your ground and tell him to tell HIS mother to stop visiting with her friends like someone else has said, an open house! It's your partner's responsibility to handle this situation.

You sound young. And seem to be in some tug of war over your bf with his mother.
Life is too short. And in the long term you’ll only hurt your relationship if you continue putting him in between.
It’s your opinion how she is with him, and you are entitled to your opinion. However - she is HIS mother and it’s not your place to get in between them. Or criticise. And it’s totally silly to make arguments about it IF you want to have this relationship last....

If it’s his first ever house - his mom is probably proud of it and wants to brag about it to her friends. Who on earth cares what her friends think?
You know half the house is yours. Your friends&family know.
Why make it an issue? It’s totally irrelevant and you only make yourself unhappy over it.

Next time she visits with friends in tow, turn her away. Tell your DP you don’t want her and her friends turning up for a tour, it’s weird.