I ended a long term relationship a year ago, and I'm still trying to process everything that happened. In fact I've been feeling quite sad about how I allowed myself to be treated.
There were times I had sex with him when I didn't want to, for a variety of reasons. I struggle with my mental and physical health which meant I wasn't always in the mood. But because we never really talked openly about our sex life - well we did sometimes but we just fell into a habit of not talking.
It was always this guessing game of when we were going to have sex, I never felt like I could just say, no I don't feel like it, so would just not respond to him when he was coming on to me. For example, we'd have a cuddle or something, and I'd be falling asleep and then he'd start groping me as I was falling asleep. Because I never said anything there would be times he'd just carry on until I "gave in."
I've just been feeling pretty sad that he was willing to have sex with me when he knew I wasn't that into it. In some ways I feel a bit conflicted as well, obviously he treated me appallingly, but there were times I wasn't in the mood but ended up enjoying it. Then I read relationship advice saying just this, that you should have sex sometimes when you're not really in the mood for the sake of the relationship.
I'm worried about getting into a relationship in the future now, as I feel like there have been many times where my body has just been used :( and I don't want to ever feel like that again. I think I would have to set up clearer boundaries and obviously communicate, but I just feel angry that I allowed it to happen.
What to other people think about it all, do you find it easy to say no to your partner? Do you think you should have sex if you're not feeling like it?