Pregnant - help

[rosapetal12]

So been with my partner 2 years
I have a lo from previous marriage
He's 8. All is good other than I don't feel ready to move him in yet we were thinking next year
We see each other a fair bit but because of his work sometimes it's a while
Lo loves him and feelings mutual
I had trouble conceiving and have problems and my boyf has low sperm count and went through failed ivf with his previous relationship and was told it would be unlikely he would conceive naturally
I'm late 30's so didn't know if children would be on the cards for us as I have one and just want stability for my lo and just feel even though it's 2 years I wanted to wait until next year to look at moving in
I know life's not ideal and we aren't in an ideal world
Anyway...I've just found out I'm pregnant
Because I'm on benefits ( I work I claim working tax credits and housing benefits) but what happens next
Will my benefits stop because I'm pregnant and clearly not single ?
My boyf is supportive and wants this baby but well I feel confused as to do we move in together because the sake of the baby ?
Hope someone can help as feel out of sorts and confused

Firstly how do you feel about the pregnancy? What do you want to do? You have to consider yourself and your LO first and foremost.

Secondly with regards to tax credits, they are not solely based on you being in a relationship. Tax credits will of course be re-evaluated and recalculated once your partner moves in with you and when your financial status changes. If you know your partners income there in an online calculator you can use to see how him moving in would affect your tax credits. They also now have an online chat facility that you can use to ask questions and get advice.

I don’t know about the benefits myself , but my guess is that it is unlikely that your benefits would stop just because you are pregnant . Congrats by the way . You could get advice about benefits in pregnancy from a charity like maternity action or citizens advice .

About moving in together , this is a personal thing that only you know the answer to .

It sounds like you are worried about losing your benefits if you move in together .

No I'm not worried about losing my benefits as my partner earns good money - I just wanted to wait a few more months which i know doesn't sound long it's just taken me by surprise

My main concern is lo and how he would feel as moving in is one thing, baby is another

I'm pleased in a way but just more apprehensive about lo

We've spent a lot of time just us before I met my partner and we've gone very very slow so just feel a bit scared

Yes I'm worried in respect that I'll lose my benefits of course as I have rent and bills to pay, because my parter moving in won't be a quick over night thing just because I'm pregnant

Well you need to discuss this and the finances with him I suppose . That’s the only way you know what will work and how . Yes it would make you dependent on him financially , but only you know if you have something stable with him .

Does he know you are pregnant ? If so what is his reaction ?

Will he be moving in with you before the baby is born anyway? If you are keeping the baby, it probably makes most sense for him to move in before the baby comes along surely.

I don’t know how benefits work but I’m imagining they would stay as they are if he doesn’t move in.

For it to be an issue, he needs to be living with you and financially contributing to the household and not just the child.

You can still take your time, you don’t have to rush anything.

Tentative congratulations, as it sounds as if you want to continue the pregnancy? If you are unsure about that there is more support and advice you can get to help you make the decision.

Do you know how many weeks pregnant you are? Perhaps you and your partner could start thinking and talking now but not making any decisions (about living arrangements etc) until after the 12 week scan?

I do think it would be wise to move in together at least a few months before your due date but you have time to start gradually before then if possible (eg weekends and weeks together etc).

Some questions to consider and discuss:

• will he move into your place? If it's a council/HA tenancy it would be wise for you to stay.
• is he renting or does he have a mortgage? If he has a mortgage he might consider renting his place out. Be very careful about moving in with him especially if you're giving up a social tenancy in order to do so.
• finances, obviously your benefits will be affected when he moves in, you will need to work out a fair split especially during maternity leave when you are on maternity pay only
• will you go back to work and when that happens will the two of you share responsibility for childcare drop offs/ picks ups, take it in turns to take time off work if baby is too ill to go to childcare, etc
• do either of you have strong views about raising a child eg religion, parenting approaches etc
• do either of you have parents nearby and if so how involved would you like them to be

Yes he knows and is happy and supportive
He lives in a house share so wouldn't and couldn't live with him and I live in private rented flat- a 2 bed so it's big enough for us. Although 3 bed would be ideal but im settled where I am
Bearing in mind it's early days
Only found out yesterday as I was a few days late for my period
Lots of think about
But good advice after waiting for 12 wk scan...and yes would like to be living together long before baby comes x

👍
One thing you might find helpful is to do some benefit calculations - you could ask citizens advice for help with it. They can do a "better off" calculation to compare finances before and after he moves in. (It will also change after baby is born.) This is the info you will need:

• your working hours, earnings, any other income, and savings
• your partner's working hours, earnings, any other income, and savings
• the amount of rent you pay
• your council tax band

^ you will lose your 25% single person council tax discount by the way.

I think you will need to switch to universal credit after he moves in and Citizens advice can help with that too.

Do you get child maintenance from DC1's dad?

I believe I won't get tax credits as we will earn above the threshold and that's ok
I just didn't wanna rush him in and lose my benefits in the mean time whilst I'm taking my time
I'm talking a couple of months at that
To get my head round this
Still doesn't feel real

Yes I do get maintenance from lo dad

Why were you trying for a baby if you’re not even living together? Were you not living together to claim more benefits or not ready? Not trying to be goady it just changes the circumstances as if it’s just benefit “fraud” in a sense then move in and forget the benefits if he earns a good wage if you are not ready to move in together then you may have a tough toad ahead. Good luck!

We weren't trying for a baby
I've been claiming as a single for 5 years from splitting with my husband for circumstances beyond my control
It's nothing like benefit fraud
I will move in with my partner
It's all just happening quicker than I imagined