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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This reaction from ex ?

11 replies

French189 · 28/08/2019 10:02

We have been finished for 2 months, I have recently met a lovely guy who i've been out with a few times and finally feeling like I have moved on and so much better without the previous guy.

It had ended badly, he said some pretty hurtful stuff and called me so many names, whereas I hadn't really done anything other than want a relationship which he didn't.

We both have the same local, and I saw him in there Saturday. I am friendly with his friends and still chat to them as they are nice people.

The ex was there and I just ignored him initially but felt awkward being around him. I think all the names hurt me and I feel like I dont want to be around him at all.

In the end I went over and said that i had moved on, I would like to be on friendly terms as we were always in the same local but that he really hadnt been kind to me and I would like an apology for all the insults.

He told me, well honestly, if you had moved on you wouldn't be speaking to me right now, gave me an apology which didn't seem sincere and said, I don't want anything to do with you because that way there is less chance of things 'happening between us'.

I found it quite arrogant, he really believed that I was wanting something with him again. I didn't tell him about the other guy, I just dont want there to be this amniosity every time we bump into each other and that we can at least say Hi. He was very cold and didn't ask how i was or anything..
It now confirms that im much better off and happier without him.

OP posts:
augustagain · 28/08/2019 10:11

His pride is hurt because you've moved on. He'll get over it eventually. Don't let him stop you going out and doing stuff. Are you in a small place where you will keep running into each other? That can be awkward.

Ilikethisone · 28/08/2019 10:17

Honestly it quite odd to go over to an ex and let them know you had moved on, or rather you have been on few dates.

It does feel like you wanted a reaction. And he probably said that for the same reason.

ravenmum · 28/08/2019 10:18

2 months is not time at all, however long you were together. Perfectly normal for him not to be all chummy.

Fidgety31 · 28/08/2019 10:20

It does sound like you wanted some sort of reaction from him though?
I wouldn’t approach him again as it sounds like it may just get more awkward.

French189 · 28/08/2019 10:22

Didnt want a reaction other than a good one. I wasn't over it at first and I thought he was avoiding me thinking that I hadn't moved on, as it was him who ended it.
Just wanted to be able to be friendly and say Hi when we see each other about.

OP posts:
Ilikethisone · 28/08/2019 10:27

It doesnt come across as trying to be on friendly terms.

fokouembiyemassj · 28/08/2019 10:31

I wouldn't have said anything to him. It seems like you wanted him to notice and he didn't react like you expected and you are even more hurt now . Next time just ignore him

French189 · 28/08/2019 10:37

Well honestly I didn't have any bad intentions. Saying moved on doesn't have to mean youve met someone else, and I didn't mention that I had done.

I went over asked how he was and wanted to see if we could be on good terms, but he was cold and wanted nothing to do with me, and so yes that hurt even if it happens.
I also wanted an apology.
Just a shame that we have to fully ignore each other in places but guess that's the way it is.

OP posts:
ChangeItChild · 28/08/2019 11:01

Well, you've tried to be pleasant and remove the awkwardness, but he's been all arrogant and cocky about it (in my opinion, men act this way for the following reasons: 1) they have been hurt and pride dented so they act cocky and confident to cover it up. 2) they feel there is a girl who has strong feelings for them that they don't reciprocate and they don't know how to get rid of her, so they turn into a dick to try to put her off) after this conversation with him you are free to ignore him when you see him, carry on being friendly to his friends, bring in your new man to the pub if you like. It's over, don't dwell on it anymore and don't talk about him to friends you gave in common.

wonderwhat · 28/08/2019 13:07

Don’t approach or talk to him again. He’s not worth it

Witchinaditch · 28/08/2019 13:19

Why do you want to say hi when you’re out? Just ignore him, he showed you no respect you don’t owe him anything. The key to being over someone is indifference, talking to him and then thinking about his reaction is not indifference. Just concentrate on your new relationship and forget about him.

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