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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He doesn’t do enough

16 replies

Julia124 · 27/08/2019 21:54

So my LB is 3 and a half months old and I feel like my OH does nothing.
When the health visitor came round for the 6 week check she told my boyfriend that he should do one whole night of feeds a week so I can have at least one night where I get to sleep through. He has never done this. I’ve only ever had 3 ‘nights off’ when his mum or sister has offered to look after him in the next room.

I have to get up with him and take him to work and then pick him up in the evening then cook dinner and do everything for baby. When he gets in he usually goes in the garden or sits on his phone and it drives me mad the baby will be crying and I’ll have to feed him while cooking dinner. I completely understand that he’s been at work all day but I thought that when he gets home he would like to help me a bit. Also he smokes so he will go outside and have time alone very often whereas I honestly can’t remember when I had 5 minutes to myself. Don’t get me wrong I love being a mum and I love my son so much but when I’m having a bath I don’t want to keep jumping out to settle the baby.

Any advice? We’ve spoken about him helping me more before but it ends in an argument of he shouldn’t have to because he works full time. It’s always is a competition of who’s allowed to be more tired, I’m always up at around 6 but on his days off he will sleep in until midday.

I sometimes feel like if I was a single mum it wouldn’t make any difference, it would work probably be easier because I wouldn’t have to drive him around. Also I’m 22 and he’s 21.

OP posts:
cheriseb · 27/08/2019 22:26

Do you want to still be with this man? If you can't even get him to sort the baby out while you have a bath you may as well tell him to jog on. You are basically already a single mother

Quartz2208 · 27/08/2019 22:29

YOu take him to work and pick him up?

Advice - leave

crystalize · 27/08/2019 22:31

Yep you are already a single mother. Fuck this waste of space off.

stacking1 · 27/08/2019 22:38

Was in pretty much the same situation as you. And it's actually easier to be on your own- that way there is no resentment building up and you just get on with it by yourself. It's like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

GrannySquares · 27/08/2019 22:46

You're already a single mother so you may as well just cut your losses. Stop taking him to work, stop picking him up... Just stop doing everything for him altogether! Only do it for you and your baby. He needs to grow up!

SignedUpJust4This · 27/08/2019 22:50

He works full time does he? Bless. What does he think you do?

Why do these dickheads think becoming a parent shouldn't change your life at all! If he took up a hobby he'd expect to do a bit of practice outside of work but make a whole new human and you never need to lift a finger. Was he a sexist pig before you had a baby?

Put it to him this way. He works 9-5 to bring in money. You work 9-5 providing childcare. All the rest of the time when he is home you should be sharing the load equally. Taking turns cooking, cleaning, feeding, changing, bathing, putting to bed and night feeds as much as poss.

Lazy selfish shit.

Wildorchidz · 27/08/2019 23:01

Leave now. Save yourself a load of grief. Just make sure that you don’t end up pregnant again before you leave .

Wildorchidz · 27/08/2019 23:03

Thought you were leaving him back in april when you reckoned he was cheating on you?

Gillian1980 · 27/08/2019 23:04

I find it a shame when dads don’t seem to WANT to spend time with their babies. Maybe reframe it so that instead of asking for “help” you’re offering him the chance to spend quality time with his child.

But he doesn’t sound great and sounds like he’s taking you for granted.

Skittlenommer · 28/08/2019 03:18

Why did you have a baby with this ‘man’? Not exactly Dad material!

CheeseChipsMayo · 28/08/2019 04:55

What@stacking1 said..i left a loser in similar circumstances-but was older than u(shouldve been wiser!)things get a lot easier as a single mum trust me.My confidence in my abilities soared. I wasnt wasting time pleading for him to help with his DC . I had more free time since i wasnt picking up after a huge man-child or listen to his snoring as im up thru the night.. i could go on😯you got this-in 6months you'll look back&barely recognise the person you are now..Flowers

Jesaminecollins · 28/08/2019 04:57

A lot of men are like this unfortunately - you need to tell him if doesn't help more you will not be cooking him any food or washing any of his clothes because you have enough to do looking after the baby.

SomeAfternoonDelight · 28/08/2019 09:48

He shouldn’t have to raise HIS child because he works full time? OP You’d be better off without the useless selfish prick.

AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 09:55

Oh dear. This is who he is. Why are you his chauffeur? This is the price of being with this man child. He must have been barely out of his teens when you got pregnant, which doesn’t excuse his entitlement but being a parent at such a young age is just so depressing.

AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 09:56

Start as you mean to go on. Being an unpaid skivvy never has an upside.

Tobebythesea · 28/08/2019 10:04

Please leave him.

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